


When he became she (on hiatus)

by StepTowardsTheLight



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal, F/M, Female Louis, Female Louis Tomlinson, Friends to Lovers, Genderswap, Light Dom/sub, Louis is in real estate bc of selling sunset, Louis is lou, M/M, Male Harry Styles, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Romance, The X Factor Era, Trans Female Louis Tomlinson, Trans Lives Matter, Trans Louis Tomlinson, Vaginal Sex, bc Louis is a girl, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 43,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StepTowardsTheLight/pseuds/StepTowardsTheLight
Summary: Or the one where Louis becomes Lou.When Harry, Niall, Liam and Zayn left for the X factor and quickly became internationally renowned they left behind Louis Tomlinson, their male best friend who hadn't shared their dreams of fortune and fame. When they return home on hiatus after almost 3 years of back to back touring they are surprised to find that the Louis Tomlinson they knew no longer exists. They aren't the only ones to have drastically changed during their time apart.(The trans female Louis Tomlinson and male Harry Styles fan fiction that absolutely no one asked for)On hiatus as of December 2020, hoping to resume in the new year.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 118





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: I am not transgender myself. Any and all attempts to describe and portray how a transgender individual may feel are based on research, not actual experience. If I get anything wrong or describe anything incorrectly please call me out on it ASAP and I will correct it. I do not claim to have everything figured out.

[Cover Image](https://www.canva.com/design/DAD_vqvsFPY/view?utm_content=DAD_vqvsFPY&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=publishsharelink)

Louis had known from a very young age that the body she was born into was not the body that she belonged in. It was hard to explain exactly how she knew but she supposed it started with the disconnect between her physical body and how she felt her body should look. The person she saw when she looked in the mirror had never matched up with the person she wanted to see. 

For one, the person she felt she was had tits whereas the person in the mirror definitely did not. 

When she was younger it had been a lot easier to manage. She wasn't expected to conform too rigidly to male gender stereotypes, not many young boys were. She could get away with playing dress up with her sisters, walking around in plastic high heels and princess dresses. It didn't matter that she wanted to play football and dance ballet. Things had only got really hard when puberty hit. The changes to her body and the expectations people had of her been close to intolerable. She'd all but cried when her voice dropped, even though it was still pretty high for a boy, she couldn't get over her hatred the newfound deepness and the weird lump that had grown in her throat. When her legs grew hair her first instinct had been to shave it off, only stopping when the boys on her football team teased her for having bare legs, calling her some rather unpleasant names. Harry, Liam, Zayn and Niall had been overjoyed when they first sprouted facial hair but Louis had consciously shaved and plucked any trace of hers away, fighting to keep her skin as smooth as possible. Whilst the four boys closest to her had been comfortable experimenting with their changed bodies, wanking away a significant amount of their time (as teenage boys do), she'd struggled to hide the disgust she felt towards her own genitals and could only find pleasure when she imagined away all traces of her manhood. She'd hated the clothes she was expected to wear, despised the way her mum insisted on her keeping her hair cropped short and struggled to be anything more than envious of girls. But she'd hid it all well.

Almost too well. 

Her discontentment with her body, her gender, herself hadn't come out until she was 19. Harry, Liam, Zayn and Niall had recently been whisked away from her, their success on the X factor landing them a record deal and their own UK tour. It was hard, to watch the four people she'd grown up with being catapulted into success she could only dream of. It was even harder watching them grow into confident people, desired by girls and boys all across the globe. It only heightened her sense of dysmorphia, reminding her too much of her dissatisfaction with every aspect of her body and every expectation that people had of her. For a while she'd managed to keep it down, only letting her emotions out when she was definitely, completely alone and putting as much effort as she could into keeping up appearances. However, shortly after her 19th birthday, on New Years to be exact, everything had come crashing down around her. She had been drunk, too drunk and, less than 5 minutes after the New Year was rang in she'd found herself confessing everything to her mum, begging and pleading with her in her embarrassingly drunken state to let her be called Lou instead of Louis from then on. The next morning she'd forgotten his slip up but she hadn't and had taken advantage of her hungover state, questioning her in a way that had her confessing to everything. She'd expected her to react with disgust, years of silent shame convincing her that no one would accept her if she was to become a she physically, if she was to let her true identity and true self show. She couldn't have been more wrong. Her mum had held her hand through every doctors appointment, supported her through every decision, cried with her when everything got too much, proudly told everyone she knew when she got her name and gender legally changed and was there when she woke up from every single surgery. 

It took close to three years. Three years of hormone replacements, shaved bones, surgeries to sculpt breasts, to make dangly bits not so dangly and to create an entrance where no entrance had been. New clothes were brought, hair was grown, fillers were injected and mannerisms changed but eventually, finally, Louis had transitioned fully into Lou. And everything it felt as though everything suddenly made perfect sense. 

Sure, she still experienced dysmorphia, was still conscious of making sure that she was 'passing' and still found it hard to truly embrace her body but things were so much better than she had been. She no longer recoiled upon catching a glimpse of her reflection, no longer had to swallow back bile (or tears) when she looked at her naked body and no longer felt like she was lying to everyone that she kew, hiding behind a boy shaped mask. To her surprise, no one had been as opposed to her transition as she'd expected. Everyone seemed to mutually agree that it made sense. Apparently she hadn't done as good of a job hiding her true self as she'd expected. But she rarely thought about that now. Therapy had helped her get over the trauma she associated with her initial gender, memories that once drove her to the point of tears were manageable and a thing of her past. She felt strong, proud of who she had grown into. And she finally had a sex life, which was a definite perk. It had been hard for her to admit to the first guys she dated that she was still getting used to her body but they had been gentle, patient, caring, eager to help her learn more about her anatomy and give her the pleasure she'd abstained from for years. She'd expected rejection but she found she was treated with nothing but respect. Sex for the first time had been nothing short of terrifying at first, despite religiously following her surgeons advice regarding dilation she was convinced something would go wrong but nothing had. In fact, as far as first times went, hers had been strangely perfect. She guessed after years of being in the wrong body the fates had decided she deserved a good experience. 

However, despite her strangely enjoyable journey from Louis to Lou and the incredible impact her transition had had on her self esteem, there was one thing that still worried her. 

Her childhood best friends had been absent from her entire transition. If, or when, they returned and met her again would they be comfortable around her? Would they want to continue their friendship? Would they feel betrayed in some way? Of course she didn't view any of them as bigoted but would they be annoyed that she'd been an imposter the whole time? They'd shared so many sleepovers, she'd seen all of them in various states of undress, would they be creeped out that she'd been hiding an attraction for men and her true gender the whole time? 

She'd already lost them to the X factor, she couldn't face losing them again.


	2. Chapter 1

It took Lou all of 5 minutes to realise that today was not going to be her day.

Rather than waking up to her alarm and having plenty of time to get up and ready she was woken up by her flatmates urgent knocking on her bedroom door, indicating that she had a) overslept and was b) running very late. In her haste to get ready for work and avoid the scolding she would inevitably get for being late, again, she'd not only accidentally grabbed her least comfortable pair of work heels, she'd also put on a pair of tights with a ladder running the length of one of her thighs and somehow ended up with a red bra underneath her white shirt. Unfortunately, she didn't have time to correct her mistakes, needing every minute she had to smooth her mess of hair and slap some concealer over her horrendous eye bags. She grabbed her work bag, shouted her thanks to her flatmate (whose alarm was clearly more reliable than hers) and was out the door. 

Of course, as her luck would dictate, it was pouring with rain and, as well as forgetting her umbrella, she'd conveniently forgotten to pick up her house keys, meaning that the second the door closed she'd been locked out. And, somehow, that wasn't the end of her bad morning. She managed to get all the way to the entrance of her building, running in her precarious shoes, before she slipped into a puddle, soaking any part of her that wasn't already drenched and royally embarrassing herself in front of some of the higher ups. In addition to that all of the hand dryers in the ground floor bathrooms had been out of order, meaning she rode the elevator from the ground floor to the 25th completely dripping wet. Not only was she literally creating a puddle beneath her feet, her shirt was clinging to her body in a way that could only be described as inappropriate, leaving very little to the imagination of the middle aged men who were sharing the lift with her. To her great relief hand dryers on her floor were working, meaning she was able to fix the shirt situation and partially dry her dripping hair. But, her joy was rather short lived. Her embarrassing fall in the entrance had only made the ladder in her tights worse, rendering them essentially useless and leaving her with no choice but to take them off. Now she was slightly damp, out of breath, cold and a lot more exposed than normal. 

"Lou?" Her bosses voice snapped her out of her daydream, causing her to spill her cup of coffee into her lap. 

"Fuck!" She hissed, jumping up from her seat, frantically digging through her desk for the pile of napkins that she knew she had somewhere. Thankfully nothing had ended up on her white shirt but now her skirt was slightly sticky and she smelt like a weird mix of wet dog and old coffee. 

"Sorry." Her boss spoke up when she had finally finished fussing, his tone indicating that he was more amused than apologetic. She fought the urge to glare, smiling up at him as politely as she could physically manage.

"No worries, erm, did you need me for something?" She asked somewhat sheepishly, wanting nothing more than to go home already. 

"Actually yeah, its a bit of a weird one though." Lou quirked her eyebrow, that didn't sound promising. "I know you don't usually take property viewings but I have a big meeting this afternoon with the firm that wants to take us over and this was a very last minute addition to my schedule. I'll need you to get as far as you can with making the offer on behalf of the couple I showed around yesterday then I need you to do this viewing." That wasn't as weird as she'd expected. Her boss took a step forward, handing her a packet of paperwork and a set of keys. "They're um...a bit more high profile than we normally deal with so your discretion is required. They'll be at the office around 1ish, you might want to try get a change of clothes before then." 

"Sure." Lou nodded, plastering her fake smile on as she set the packet and keys down on her desk. The last thing she needed, given how terribly the day had begun, was high profile clients. She hadn't spent long working in real estate but she'd been there long enough to know that high profile was practically synonymous with difficult. Once her boss had left she cleaned the remainder of coffee off of her desk, making a note of the papers she still need to complete before grabbing her purse and heading out into the rain once more. She had also worked with her boss long enough to know that his suggestion she change clothes was more of a order. Thankfully the firm wasn't far from the high street and so she was able to pick up a rather smart pencil dress, new tights and shoes that weren't so precarious. She also grabbed an umbrella for good measure, paying for her things before changing as quickly as possible in the store bathroom. Her boss was also terrible with time so 1ish could mean anything from half 11 to 3pm and so it was definitely best for her to be safe rather than sorry in terms of her appearance. Plus, she couldn't help but feel a lot more ready for the working day now she didn't look quite as much of a mess. Grateful for the shelter her new umbrella provided she made her way back to the office, not really noticing the unusual amount of teenage girls that were lingering in the forecourt. She gave herself a quick glance over in the elevator mirror, smiling at the way her new dress clung to the curves of her body and admiring the length of her legs in the much more wearable pair of high heels. Sometimes it genuinely amazed her how good of a job her surgeon had done in giving her the body that she had wanted. 

"Ah, Lou, there you are." She had barely stepped out of the lift when one of her colleagues came over to her, looking rather frantic. "Your clients, the special ones are here already, I let them into your office just so you know. Um, we've all been told to be as professional as possible." Lou nodded, not quite sure why that would be a problem. Whoever it was couldn't be too high-profile if they were looking at properties in Doncaster of all places, right? "Also we all want you to tell us exactly what they're like on lunch, I actually can't believe you got their file, now go on!" Now Lou was slightly concerned. Who the fuck was she supposed to be showing around? She dumped the bag of her old clothes with the receptionist, swallowing her nerves and holding her head up high as she walked into her office.

"Hi, I'm Lou Tomlinson, I'll be your real estate agent for the day." She spoke calmly, not letting herself look at her clients until she was sat behind her desk. She took a sip of water before she looked up at them, immediately regretting her decision and choking on the liquid she'd just swallowed. Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn were sat in front of her desk, looking just as incredulous as she imagined she did. "Oh fuck." She managed to mumble, recovering from her choking fit and biting her lip. "Um, ok, questions?" 

"Louis!?" Niall was the first to speak, effectively shouting her old name at her. She couldn't help but wince. It was rare for her to hear her dead name and even rarer for anyone to use it in reference to her. 

"Um, well its Lou now but yeah, I was Louis." She confirmed with a nod of her head, running a hand through her hair and trying to remember how to breathe.

"Y-you're a-" Liam began before trailing off, unapologetically looking her up and down as he tried to process.

"Yup, I'm a girl. I always have been really but now I just look the part." 

"A girl, always?" Zayn asked, sounding a lot less shocked by the whole situation than the others did. He always had been good at feigning indifference. 

"Yup, always. Didn't really realise till after you left and it took me a while to get all the parts in place but always a girl." She nodded, doing her best to hide her internal panic. 

"Why didn't you tell us?" Harry asked, concern lacing his tone. She couldn't help but smile fondly at him. He always had been the gentlest. 

"You aren't exactly very easy to contact, for one." She said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Plus, it was hard enough telling people who were in my life at the time, I didn't think this was something I could really get across by text you know?" The boys nodded along, wide eyed expressions suggesting they were imagining how they would have reacted to receiving that message. 

"So, full girl?" Niall asked after a brief pause, following Liams example and giving her a once over. She snorted.

"Yup, full girl. The P is now a V and I have tits. Now can we get onto what you lot are doing back here and in my office?" She quickly changed the subject away from the topic of her genitals, not noticing the way Harry gulped at her frank discussion of her bits. 

"Well we're taking a break to work on our next album and we figured that we could probably get a lot inspiration from being at home. We're pretty used to living out of each others pockets too so we figured we should find a place where we could all stay thats as close to our families as possible." Liam explained, slipping back into his sensible role now that he'd gotten over the initial shock. Lou nodded, picking up the packet and the keys on her desk. 

"Ok, so I'm guessing you've picked out a few properties you like and discussed your budget with my boss?" The boys nodded."Ok so I guess if you'll follow me we'll head down to the garage and I'll take you to where we need to be. Do you have like security or anything or will a five seater be enough?" Zayn chuckled.

"We have security but they'll be following behind us, we want this to be as normal as possible, especially now you're here." He grinned and Lou had to fight herself to hold back her blush. Had they always been so...dreamy or was her reaction to them just a result of her new hormones? 

"Right, perfect." She smiled, standing up from her desk and gesturing for them to follow her. She did her best to ignore the feeling of four pair of eyes staring at her. They seemed to each be doing their best to drink in every aspect of her new body, as if committing the changes to memory would make them more real. She wouldn't lie, the intensity of their attention was quite enjoyable and so, if she swung her hips a little more than usual as she led them to the lift then that was her business. 

"So aside from erm, the obvious changes." Liam spoke up once they were in the lift, clearly unsure how to properly approach the issue of her transition. "How have you been?" 

"Not bad." She shrugged. "To be honest, I've been working on the changes for most of the time. I've only been 'done' with the surgeries and things for around 5 months not so I haven't had much of a chance to focus on anything else properly." Liam nodded, cheeks flushing in a way that suggested he was thinking a little bit too much about the surgeries she was referring too. 

"Does it all work down there?" Niall asked after a couple seconds of silence. He slapped his hand over his mouth almost immediately after speaking, the red tint to his cheeks indicating that he hadn't intended to ask that out loud. Lou laughed. Under normal circumstances she'd have lashed out at someone asking her that but coming from Niall it was strangely funny. He clearly hadn't got any better at holding his tongue. 

"What do you mean by work?" She spoke cooly as the lift stopped, making her way towards the company car she was insured on, silently praying she'd be ok driving it in her heels as she hadn't picked up a change of flats. 

"Well, erm, can you....you know?" Niall asked sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, ignoring the way the other boys swatted at him, silently pleading with him to shut up. She paused for a moment, unlocking the car. 

"Three of you in the back, one in the front with me please." She directed "And yes, I can have sex." All four boys seemed to choke on air and she fought the urge to giggle as she slid herself into the drivers seat. She couldn't help but feel quite important as she drove in the direction of the first property, four celebrities in her car and a handful of bodyguards following behind in a blacked out Range Rover. This certainly wasn't how she'd imagined her day going when she'd woken up but at least her bad luck streak seemed to have ended. The boys were silent for most of the journey, clearly taking in her transition and the revelation that her new parts were actually functional but Lou didn't mind too much. The quiet allowed her to focus on driving and gave her time to process the fact they didn't seem to hate her for keeping her secret so closely. She wasn't sure she could have handled it if they'd been angry with her. Eventually she pulled into the drive of the first property, reaching out the window to tap the security code into the automatic gate. As a precaution she waited until the gate had closed completely behind them before stepping out of the car, gesturing for the boys to follow her. Their security were no longer in sight, presumably keeping an eye on the houses general perimeter. 

"Just know Lou" Zayn spoke, tone teasing as he watched her fumble with the keys. "We're not gonna go easy on you just because we know you, we're experienced enough to have very high standards when it comes to real estate sales pitches." 

"Noted." She laughed, holding the door open for them as she stepped into the threshold. "So what do you want to see first, the cinema room, indoor pool or the recording studio that has suddenly been installed in the basement?" She twirled on her heel to face the boys, immediately suspicious of the identical mischievous smiles they were suddenly wearing. 

"I don't think we want to let you show us anything." Niall sing-songed, rocking forward and backwards on his tip toes as he did so. She raised an eyebrow slowly, opening her mouth to speak.

"Until you find us, that is." Harry interrupted before she had the chance to question Niall. Her frown deepened, not immediately understanding what Harry and Niall were suggesting. She quickly figured it out when, without warning, all four of them sprinted in the direction of the stairs. 

"Catch us if you can!" Niall hollered, laughing in his typically over the top, raucous way. For some reason, despite her strict schedule and the fact they still had 3 properties to view after this, Lou couldn't bring herself to put her foot down. It wouldn't hurt too much to play along, right?She kicked her shoes off after a couple of moments, not wanting her footwear to give her position away.

"Ready or not, here I come!" In an act of kindness she gave them just enough time to find hiding spots in the partially furnished house before heading towards the staircase they'd all ran up. At least she had the advantage of holding the only copy of the floor plan. 

Where boys would have to rely on educated guesses to determine where everything was she was armed with insider knowledge. 

Niall was the easiest to find, his laughter gave his position in one of the largest bedrooms away almost immediately. He seemed slightly disappointed by the fact his hide and seek skills hadn't improved since they were children but obediently followed Lou' command to go wait in the entrance foyer until she'd rounded the rest of them up. Liam was next, half heartedly hidden in the aforementioned cinema room. He was much less concerned about being caught than Niall had been, more interested in the room decor and the potential it had to improve the quality of their movie marathons. Just as Niall had he obediently traipsed back to the foyer once found, making it quite obvious that this hadn't been his idea. 

"Zaynieee." She called out, creeping through some of the other bedrooms and adjoining en suites, trying not to let herself get distracted by the grandeur of the house. Although she had the plans for the house it wasn't a property she'd seen before and she couldn't quite believe its grandeur and beauty. 

"Boo!" 

"Ah!" Lou screamed, jumping about a foot in the air and glaring at Zayn as he doubled over with laughter. "Fuck, Zayn!" She squealed indignantly, fighting the urge to stamp her foot as she crossed her arms over her chest. 

"Sorry Lou, couldn't resist." He grinned cheekily, giving her a playful punch on the arm before all but skipping back towards the stair case, presumably already knowing where to join the others. It seemed that over the past three years they'd developed the ability to communicate telepathically. She took a deep breath, urging the nervous butterflies that had filled her stomach before returning her focus to the task at hand. 

"Harry, come out, come out wherever you-ah!" Her taunting was cut short by a scream as large hands gripped her hips and pulled her backwards. "What are y-" She tried to squeak, brow furrowing as Harry closed the cupboard door just as quickly as he'd opened it. 

"Shhh, Lou." He spoke softly, moving one hand to push a strand of hair off of her face before hurriedly resuming his hold of her. "I've missed you so much." He mumbled, sounding almost embarrassed by his confession. She bit back her grin, settling for a small, coy smile instead.

"So you're going to keep me captive in a cupboard to make up for it?" She teased gently, stepping up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him close. "I've missed you too though, all of you so much." Harry chuckled, almost nervously as he hugged her back before leaning away, putting some distance between them but still holding her tight. She tried to ignore the way her breath hitched as they made eye contact. 

"No, I mean...I've really missed you." He spoke, sounding distant despite how close they were. 

"Wha-?" She began to question him, brow furrowing but was cut off by him surging forward and joining their lips together, kissing her so hard it was almost bruising. 

Well fuck. 


	3. Chapter 2

It took Lou a minute to process what was happening and, once she had she couldn't help but let herself to get lost in the passion it momentarily. But, eventually she snapped back to reality, pushing Harry back as hard as she could manage, eyes wide as she failed to stop the surprise she felt reflecting in her expression.

"What was that?" She squeaked out, blinking a couple of times as she tried to come to terms with the shock. Harry groaned loudly, running his hands through his hair like he always did when he was stressed. She hadn't even processed that he'd let go of her. 

"I just..." Harry began, huffing as he struggled to find the words he needed. "Lou, I want you to know I didn't kiss you because you're suddenly a girl." 

"Well yeah, because I'm not suddenly a girl." Lou replied cooly, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. "I've always been one." His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed furiously as he realised his mistake.

"I'm sorry, that was insensitive, I didn't mean it like that. I just...I've always been attracted to you, always and now you're..."He gestured somewhat wildly at her body. "Fuck, Lou you're stunning, like literally perfect. I should have asked, I wanted us to have a conversation first but you're just so kissable. Like, you always have been but now, now you're just...I mean you take my breath away." And now Lou was sure that she was being pranked. There was absolutely no way that Harry was seriously implying he was crushing on her, that he'd had a crush on her even when she'd been Louis. She took a step back, doing her best to swallow her panic.

"I-I, what?" Eventually she found her words, shaking her head in disbelief. "Harry...I...you, you understand why I'm so shocked right? You never even hinted slightly that you felt like that, like this." She stuttered out, arms crossed over her chest, subconsciously making herself smaller. Harry groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I didn't because I don't...I'm not attracted to boys, I never have been. It was just you, always just you and I didn't let it show because I did understand myself really so I was scared. Really scared But now, now it makes sense because you weren't, you aren't a boy and I guess I got carried away because before it felt so forbidden but now, I guess now it feels somewhat possible." Lou nodded slowly, silently taking in everything that he'd just said. 

"Ok." She breathed out eventually, allowing herself to make eye contact. She tried to ignore the way her heart banged in her chest as she noticed the panic in his expression. "Ok. I, I think I understand but I, no, we cant do this now. We're going to get on with this viewing, and the others and we're gonna find you a house. Tonight you, and the boys, are going to come over and you're going to convince me that this isn't some elaborate prank at my expense." Harry pulled her into another tight hug, the grin on his face showing he was more than a little relieved to not have immediately been rejected. 

"Can I kiss you again?" Harry sounded breathless, his green eyes shiney with an emotion she couldn't quite pick up on. Despite knowing that she should say no, make him wait until they'd talked over this properly, Lou found herself nodding shyly, rising up on her tiptoes so Harry didn't have to bend down so much It was a simple kiss, decidedly innocent but for some reason it had Lou's legs trembling like crazy, literally making her weak at the knees. Despite her efforts to get a grip the grin she felt against her lips told her Harry had noticed the effect he had. He made to deepen the kiss, holding her impossibly closer but her common sense snapped into action, small hands pressing against his well defined chest so that their lips parted. 

"No more until we talk." She reprimanded before opening the cupboard door, sashaying her way to the foyer and silently slipping back into the heels she'd kicked off earlier. She pointedly ignored the slightly flustered looking Harry as she showed them around the property, listing facts about the size of the place and some of the features it had. The boys seemed to only be half listening but Lou tried not to pay them too much attention, back to wanting the day to be over as soon as possible. 

"Can we move onto the next one?" Niall eventually asked, not seeming too impressed by the large kitchen. Each of the boys had found the lack of a breakfast bar disappointing. It had been hard for her to keep a straight face as they voiced their complaints, struggling to believe that these were the same men she'd grown up with. 

"Of course." She smiled politely, leading them back out to the car, chatting amicably about what they'd liked and disliked. There was a short pause in their conversation as they squabbled over who would be sitting shotgun and, if Harry was unusually quiet after losing a game of rock, paper, scissors to Zayn then Louis pretended not to notice. "Ok well, from the sounds of things theres one property thats a lot more suited to your needs than the others." She announced once everyone was sat down and seat belted in. "I'll take you there now and If it's not quite right we can double back over and look at the others but I'm pretty sure this one will be right for you guys." 

"Thanks Lou." Zayn said cheerily, patting her thigh. He stopped almost immediately when Harry coughed somewhat aggressively from the backseat, using the drivers mirror to shoot Zayn a very dirty glare. Lou did her best to ignore it, the quicker she got the next viewing out of the way the quicker their conversation would come. Getting into things now would likely only complicate matters, plus she had to focus on driving. Something told her the boys security wouldn't be too quick to believe she'd accidentally crashed the car.

Thankfully the boys seemed to sense that she was no longer in the mood for messing around, clearly picking up on the fact that something had happened between her and Harry that could be classified as serious. They let her take the lead when it came to the viewing, following her through the rooms obediently and asking polite questions at appropriate intervals. As expected the property certainly suited them a lot more than the other one. It was very open, meaning a lot of the space was communal, something that would undoubtedly help them when it came to putting together the album. The rooms were all good sizes with stunning bathrooms but they weren't quite as grand at the other house had been, making them much better suited for young men. It still had amazing facilities, including an indoor pool, a cinema that rivalled that of the other house and a recording studio that was pretty much a non negotiable addition for them. Plus, the head of security had texted Liam to say that this house would be a lot easier to keep safe. It didn't take them long to collectively agree that this was the right property for them and so, in almost record timing, they were piling back into Lou's car and heading back to the offices to sort out the necessary paperwork. Harry was quick to claim shotgun, not leaving room for the other boys to object.

And if he held her knee for the entirety of the car journey, Lou certainly didn't object. 

\- - - - - - - - - -

"Ok, so are you looking to rent or buy outright?" Lou spoke, happy to be back sat behind her desk. The ride back to the office had been fairly uneventful, apart from Harrys new found possessiveness but getting into the office had been much more difficult. News of the boys location had leaked somehow and their fans had turned up in droves, all eager to get a glimpse of them. Thankfully the boys security had handled things, shielding them from the girls who seemed determined to break into the building, allowing her to get the car into the garage and the boys into the lift safely. It had been fairly intense and all she wanted now was a cup of tea. Unfortunately, she still had to sort the paper work out. 

"Erm, we're looking to buy." Liam spoke on behalf of the others. 

"And I'm assuming you won't be looking at mortgages or borrowing funds?" She asked, unable to hide the curiosity in her voice. The boys collectively nodded in answer to her question. It shouldn't have taken her by surprise that they could afford to fork out such a large sum of money but for some reason the realisation their casual agreement really drove home the fact that these were not the same boys she'd grown up with. "Ok, brilliant, I'll go and get the papers printed in that case, we can have everything in motion by this evening." She said sweetly, unsure as to why she was suddenly nervous around them but wanting to get out of her office for a breather as quickly as possible. Before she could make it out of the door Harry was gripping her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"When can we move in?" He questioned, ignoring the dark blush that spread over Lous cheeks as he kept a hold of her.

"I'll speak to my boss and see what the seller would like but we should be able to put things in motion quickly." She cleared her throat, doing her best to swallow the butterflies that came with Harrys touch. For some reason her nerves only seemed to be getting worse. She half ran out of her office towards her bosses office, knocking on the glass gently and smoothing out her dress. Although she'd handled the viewing her boss would ultimately be communicating the offer to the seller and would likely be getting the majority of the commission too. 

"Lou, how did the viewing go, manage to stay safe from the gangs of fans?" Her boss questioned in his typically too polite, plastic smiley way. She knew he didn't care. His eyes were practically dollar signs, his only interest was the cheque he would be sent if he closed this deal.

"It went super well." She responded, smiling as widely as she could. "They want to make an offer now, to buy outright also."

"Amazing, so what brings you to my office then? They're not looking to go lower are they?" She shook her head.

"They just want to know when it would be possible for them to move in, I think they're serious about getting the ball rolling ASAP. Obviously I didn't want to make any guesses, could you call the seller so I can let them know when I take through their paperwork?" Her boss seemed to pause for thought.

"You bring them the paperwork, I'll call the seller and find out what they want. I'll come in and explain everything, sign off on the offer and things when I've got the sellers clarification." And there it was. He hadn't explicitly said it, of course he hadn't, but through stating he wanted to sign off on the paper work her boss had essentially confirmed that she wouldn't be seeing a penny of the commission. Still, she had no choice but to bite her tongue and do as he said. And so, she fought the urge to sigh heavily and left the office, sorting the paperwork as directed. 

"Ok, here we go guys." She kept her tone as airy as possible as she returned to the office, handing each of them the necessary papers before slipping behind her desk. "My boss is just contacting the client we're holding the listing for, he'll be in shortly to let you know when you can make arrangements to move in and to close the deal." 

"What?" Liam paused, looking up from his papers with a raised eyebrow. "Why aren't you closing?" 

"I filled in for my boss and took you on the viewing today, technically it's his sale." Harry scoffed, sitting up a bit straighter in his chair. 

"Well thats not right." Once again Lou bit her tongue, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"It's just how things work, I knew how this would go." She said gently, doing her best to placate them all. The last thing she needed, on top of the day that she'd had, was the four boys getting rowdy with her boss. Harry looked as if he had something else to say but, to Lou's relief, he kept it to himself, focusing almost too intently on the contracts and documents he'd been given. "Will you be wanting a lawyer to look over things for you? I can assure you the contracts are mostly standard terms but obviously you have the right to advice." It was obviously an effort to change the subject, one the boys clearly picked up on.

"Nah." Niall spoke, giving her his trademark grin. "We trust you enough."

"Plus we could probably sue this place twice over if there is anything dodgy." Zayn added. Normally Lou would have laughed but she was distracted by her office door opening and her boss letting himself in without knocking.

"Ah, Mr Simons, meet Mr Styles, Mr Malik, Mr Horan and Mr Payne." She spoke politely. He nodded curtly, shaking the boys hands and exchanging pleasantries before gesturing that she vacate her seat, sitting down almost the moment she had stood up.

"So, I've spoke to the current owner of the property. They've accepted the offer and, providing money is transferred within 48 hours, would be able to hand over the property within 72 hours." His arrogance and pride honestly left Lou feeling slightly nauseous. That wasn't anything special. The property had been on market for a very long time. 

"That sounds brilliant, actually." Liam agreed, seemingly used to speaking on everyone behalf. "We can speak to our banks and have the funds sent as soon as we've finished up this paperwork and have written confirmation of our purchase." Before Lou's boss could respond Harry cut him off, leaning forward in his chair slightly.

"Oh, actually, I have one question." Lou noticed the slight glint of mischief in his eyes but Mr Simons clearly did not.

"Of course, anything, ask away." 

"I just want to clarify one thing. Lou here showed us the properties, answered our questions and generally guided us through this whole process with impeccable attention to detail. I'm not comfortable with the prospect of her not seeing some of the commission at minimum and will have to insist before I sign anything that you close this offer jointly so she can see some benefit." Well, fuck. Neither Lou nor Mr Simons had been expecting that, both of them looking as shocked as the other. 

"Erm, Mr Styles, I appreciate your concern but-" Lou began, doing her best to placate her former best friend. The last thing she needed was for her boss to think she was somehow in on this. 

"But nothing, Lou." Harry spoke firmly, his commanding tone sending a shiver down her spine and filling her stomach with butterflies. He turned his gaze to her boss. "Do we have an agreement?" After a moment of opening and closing his mouth, not used to clients making such demands, Mr Simons eventually found his voice.

"Well this goes against our standard procedure and Lou here was only acting on my behalf but since I have already contacted the seller to confirm the sale, in order to avoid putting the house back on the market and disappointing my client you have a deal." The answer clearly angered Harry. Mr Simons would never admit his treatment of his employees was sometimes more exploitative than it should be. But, to Lou's relief, the matter wasn't pushed further. The paperwork was completed, the deal was signed off, the boys banks were contacted and, eventually everything was sorted. 

"Ok, well, congratulations on your new home and I'll show you back out to the garage as its my finishing time anyway." Lou addressed the boys warmly, trying not to think too much about the massive chunk of money they'd just earned her. Even though it was her job it did feel a bit strange that they had indirectly just paid her. 

"What time do you want us to come over this evening?" Niall asked, once they were in the safety of the elevator. Lou didn't really want the office to find out she was having four clients over for dinner and a catch up. 

"Well it takes me about 30 minutes to walk home, I'll need to shower and get some food sorted lets say 2 hours from now? Around 7?" The boys looked at her as though she'd grown two heads.

"Um, how about now?" Zayn was the first to speak up. "We're not gonna let you just walk home, it's still pissing it down."

"Plus, we're also not going to let you buy or make food when we're the celebrities and unplanned guests." Niall added. 

"So how about we drive you home, wait about patiently while you shower and then we can order food and talk through everything." Harry finished, smiling wide, clearly proud of his plan. Lou went to interject, make up some excuse about needing time to herself but, before she could, the elevator reached the garage level and dinged open. Harry turned to her with a smirk wider than his previous smile, grabbing her by the waist and oh so easily throwing her over his shoulder before she had time to process what was going on.

"Ah!" She squealed. "Harry Edward Styles, I'm wearing a dress be careful or I'll end up flashing you." Despite her concern that she was maybe showing off a little too much she couldn't bring herself to risk loosening her firm grip on his shirt. 

"What if I like the sound of that?" He teased, not able to see the way Lou scowled in response. 

"Then when I'm the right way around you'll regret it." Harry just laughed again, stopping in front of the car. The second Liam opened the door for him he'd manhandled her into the middle seat with an ease that honestly shouldn't have been as attractive as it was. 

"I'd enjoy that too much to ever regret it."


	4. Chapter 3

Lou sat in silence for the most of the car journey, only really speaking to give Liam directions. Her mind was racing, trying to wrap her head around Harrys behaviour. He had kissed her, confessed his attraction to her, defended her in front of her boss and openly flirted with her in front of the other boys. It didn't seem like a shock to the others either. In fact, it seemed normal to everyone but her. She found herself wracking her brains, trying to remember if Harry had always been this way with her. If their friendship had always been so emotionally charged. She hadn't thought so, she still didn't think so, but if that was the case how was this so normal to everyone but her? 

"Lou?" Zayns voice snapped her out of her worrying, using the drivers mirror to catch her eye. "Are we here?" She felt herself blushing, realising they'd probably been trying to get her attention for a while.

"Um yeah." She nodded, after glancing out of the window. "Just park anywhere, there's no designated spaces or anything." Liam nodded and parked up. Only now did Lou realise she was about to have four international superstars in her crappy little house. Hopefully her flatmate had done the dishes. 

"Ok, lead the way in." Harry gave her a smile as he jumped out of the car, offering her his hand to help her out. It was getting more and more surreal by the minute that this was the same person she'd grown up with. Sure, she assumed her physical body no longer being that of a male probably had some influence but she'd almost expected to still be treated as one of the boys. She didn't think it would be so easy for them to accept that the person they knew, Louis, was effectively gone. 

"It's not much and I'm sorry if it's messy." She mumbled, digging round her bag for her keys before remembering she had in fact left them at home. "Oh fuck." She all but breathed out, knocking on the door and hoping to god her flat mate was in. Something told her it wouldn't do for the boys to be seen around here. They were pretty exposed. It wouldn't take long for the fans to descend in drove if they were noticed. Sure, she was about 95% certain their security was tailing them but still. 

"How many times do I have to tell you, keys are in the bowl and take them with you." Her flat mate called. The other girl, Rose, had initially shared the flat with a friend but, after she'd got engaged the landlord had advertised the then empty room. Lou had snapped it up, too desperate for somewhere reasonably close to her new work to be too fussy. Unfortunately, they had never really clicked. They were civil but definitely not friends. 

"Please just let me in, Rose." Lou groaned, noting how the other was definitely deliberately taking longer than strictly necessary to grab her own set of keys and open the door. "I have guests."

"Should have thought about that." Rose singsonged, the jingle of keys indicating she was finally letting them in. "Anyway, what have I said about notice-" Rose cut herself off. Having swung the door open a little more aggressively than necessary her jaw had immediately dropped, eyes fixed on the four boys standing behind Lou. It took a lot for Lou to keep the smug smirk she so wanted to wear off of her face.

"This was a bit...last minute." She grinned widely. "Rose, meet my old friends Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall, you're a fan right?" Rose just nodded numbly, meekly stepping away from the entrance so she was no longer blocking it before scurrying off to her room, clearly embarrassed. Lou suspected she would make an appearance later, after gathering her dignity, to get the boys autographs. She was honestly tempted to beg the boys to say no. "Ok, so this is my home." She broke the silence, closing the door behind her and leading the boys in.

"Its very..." Liam began, trailing off.

"Messy?" Lou suggested.

"Nah, its cosy." Niall cut in, immediately flopping himself on the sofa, resting his feet on the rather ancient coffee table. "I like lived in." She wasn't sure if se believed him but Lou couldn't help but smile, she always had liked Nialls optimism.

"Thanks. Well, make yourself at home, I'm gonna go shower up." She said with a nod, trying not to blush when she caught Harry wriggling his eyebrows at her. 

"Can I join?" He teased and she scowled, picking up the nearest object (a tea towel) and throwing it at him.

"Pervert." She gasped, unable to stop from giggling at the affronted look Harry gave her. She stuck her tongue out at him, grinned and span on her heal, heading for the bathroom. Part of her longed for a long, hot bath but a shower would do. It had been a fucking hard day and she still had a rather serious conversation to get over and done with.

\- - - - - - -

"Harry, can you come here?" Lou called from her bedroom, finally having showered, dressed and tidied up slightly. It felt weird inviting him into her room. Of course, when they were younger, Harry had been over all of the time but he'd obviously never seen her in a room that truly reflected her personality. Back then she'd been very focused on hiding the fact she was essentially playing pretend, a girl in a boy costume desperate to make sure her true identity stayed hidden. Judging by the look on Harrys face when he entered, having knocked gently to announce his presence, he found the situation equally as strange. And probably a little bit more nerve wracking.

"Hey." He breathed, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly. Had they been kids he would have likely barged in and plopped himself on her bed before she had the chance to object. But they weren't kids. He was very obviously uncomfortable. 

"You can sit down beside me, you know? We just need to....talk, to figure what this," Lou pointed from his chest to hers, "actually is." Harry nodded, perching himself on the edge of the bed.

"I meant why I said, back at that house." He spoke gently, running a hand through his hair. "There was always something different about you. I always felt drawn in and I hid it and kept it down because I didn't want to be gay. It took me until just after X factor to figure out that actually I didn't care, I just wanted you."

"Is that why the boys don't seem surprised by the...tension?" Lou interjected. 

"Yeah." Harry confirmed. "I was...pining, to say the least." Lou tried to ignore the butterflies his words brought to life in her stomach, nodding slowly. A large part of her wanted to ask what he meant by pining but she refrained from interrupting again, gesturing for Harry to keep going with his explanation. "So obviously I sort of accepted that I couldn't really put a definitive label on my sexuality because then I thought you were a boy but you were the only boy I ever felt those sort of feelings now. Now that I know you were never a boy I guess it explains why it was only you because...well, this makes me straight right?" There was a brief silence. Lou had assumed his question was rhetorical but the expectant look on Harrys face suggested that he actually wanted some form of answer.

"Um...I mean, yeah. I'm a girl and you're a boy, so you're straight." She shrugged, watching Harrys expression carefully. He didn't show any signs of relief, simply nodding his head.

"Ok so um, obviously none of us had any idea you were transitioning but when I first saw you today, even before you gave us your name and we figured that you were the Louis we had known, you took my breath away. You're so beautiful, you have no idea." Lou fought the urge to squirm, cheeks flushing furiously red. Compliments had never really got easier. Her dysmorphia tended to rear its ugly head whenever she was given one. "I know I was a bit clumsy with kissing you but...yeah, I really liked you Lou and I'm still super attracted to you and I know things have changed but....well, my feelings are still there." Lou swallowed.

"But Harry, you don't even know me." She said softly, shaking her head when she noticed that the boy looked ready to interject. "You knew a version of me that has died. I was acting, always acting and you have to know that I haven't just changed physically, I've changed mentally too. What if you don't like the real me?" Harry was quiet, processing. 

"I can't decide whether or not I like this you without you letting me in." He shifted closer to her on the bed, reaching a hand to cup her cheek. "Please."

"Harry, I don't think I can handle the rejection if your feelings were just for the old me." She sighed, taking his hand and moving it away from his face. "I don't have the strength to gamble with my heart like that." 

"Lou, please." Harry all but begged. "I wouldn't be saying all of this if I thought there was a possibility my feelings weren't still very real. I've never been so attracted to someone so immediately and so intensely. The chances of this ending with me rejecting you are-"

"It doesn't matter how small they are if there's still a chance." Lou interjected. "What do you even want from me Harry?" 

"I want everything you'll give me." Harry said solemnly. 

"But what happens when you need to tour again? If hypothetically you do like the real me, what am I supposed to do when you're guaranteed to have to leave at some point? How can I let you in knowing that?" Harry sighed heavily.

"I don't know Lou." He answered after a moment, tone solemn, clearly picking his words carefully. "But is it not worth giving it a try despite that? Theres ways to make things work in our favour, you know?" 

"What would a 'giving it a try' actually entail?" She kept her tone apprehensive, erring on the side of caution. It was hard to ignore the way Harrys eyes seemed to light up, noting the more curious than defensive phrasing of her question. 

"Let me take you out on a date and we can see where things go from there?" Harry offered. He was still a deer in the headlights, despite having relaxed slightly. 

"Just one date?" The man nodded vigorously, curls bouncing in a way that had her stomach flipping strangely. There was no way she could really refuse him, not when he seemed so excited, so eager to please. "Ok then, one date." She agreed with a sigh, squealing when he took that as permission to dive at her, practically tackling her to pull her into a tight hug.

"You won't regret this." He cheered, somehow manoeuvring them both so he could stand, holding her bridal style in his arms. "Now let's go see the boys before they get bored and start snooping about." Despite Lou's apprehension she found herself laughing, allowing herself to be carried into her living room. The other boys looked a lot more comfortable than they had when they first stepped into her flat, lounging around as though they were part of the furniture.

"Ah, there you are." Niall spoke, grinning through a mouthful of crisps. Lou had wondered how long it would take them to get hungry and start looking for snacks. "We were beginning to worry that maybe Haz had been hypnotised by your tits and we'd have to stage some sort of intervention" Lou threw a pillow at him, flopping herself down on the nearest armchair.

"Shut it, Horan. Did you guys order food? I'm starving." As if on cue her stomach growled, loudly, causing all of the boys to laugh and her cheeks to flush a furious red.

"Yeah, we got pizzas. We weren't sure what you liked so we got pepperoni, cheese and Niall insisted on Hawaiian for some reason." Liam explained, chuckling as Lou twisted her face and feigned gagging.

"Pineapple on pizza? What has fame done to you?" Niall threw the pillow she'd launched at him back in her direction, missing by a couple of inches and hitting Harry who didn't even flinch, clearly used to this sort of thing. 

"It's given me taste, Tomlinson, now quit your bitching and get to catching us up." 


	5. Chapter 4

Lou groaned, loudly, as her alarm pierced the silence of her bedroom. The small catch up they'd planned had led to all five of them talking the night away, not wanting to miss any detail of the past three years. She couldn't remember what time the boys had actually left, allowing her to go to bed but she knew it had been way too late. Or early. Whichever way around it was. 

Yet, despite the heaviness of her eyes and her bodies internal protests as she slid herself out of bed, she couldn't shake the smile from her face. 

Sure, she had another long day ahead of her and sure, she was likely to face some sort of disciplinary action for Harrys rather aggressive 'negotiations' over her commission but somehow, she was still in a good mood. A rare occasion when it came to work days. She dressed quickly before applying her makeup and lazily straightening her waist length hair, sipping coffee as she did so. For the first time in a couple of months she actually remembered to shove her house keys into her blazer pocket before stepping out the door. Meaning, when she realised that she'd forgotten her bag after getting halfway down the corridor she was able to retrieve it without pissing off Rose anymore than her late night already had. It turned out that even Roses' patience for her favourite band had a limit and they had managed to exceed that. Lou supposed she owed her flat mate a thank you really as, had it not been for her angry intervention, she likely wouldn't have gotten any sleep at all. Thankful that it wasn't raining and, that she hadn't overslept again, Lou took her time walking to the office. It was almost bizarre how ok she felt, even having slept so little. She hadn't thought she'd missed the boys enough to be this relieved by them reentering her life. Or maybe she was finally processing that fact Harry had all but begged her for a date. 

"Ah, Lou, just the woman I wanted to see. Can you spare a moment and come with me, please?" She let out surprised squeak, jumping slightly, as her boss greeted her the moment she stepped out of the lift, his usual overly plastic smirk plastered firmly on his face. Sighing, she followed him. Whilst annoying this wasn't unusual, he had a tendency of grabbing her before she could check what work she personally had so she was more likely to accept the jobs he didn't want. 

"Good morning." She said as politely as she could manage, not sitting down in the chair opposite his desk until he gestured for her to do so. He didn't even acknowledge her greeting, taking his seat and swinging his feet up onto his desk. 

"So, I'm not entirely sure what went on yesterday with you and the high profile clients that I entrusted you with but, that little game you played by having them negotiate on your behalf was not a smart move." He sneered, pleasantries flying out of the window. "Of course, you'll get the commission from that deal but, I did a little bit of research last night and it turns out you used to be very much an acquaintance of them. Given that you didn't disclose this conflict of interest I have no choice but to demote you. I don't want you as my assistant anymore, if you want to remain with this company you're going to have to work your way up again from your old receptionist position." Lou all but choked on air, sitting herself up straighter in her seat.

"Excuse me, what?" She tried to control her tone, not wanting to come across as more unprofessional than she clearly already had. 

"You heard." Her boss said smugly, pretending to inspect his nails. "You failed to disclose a previous relationship with clients and, exploited it in order to benefit yourself. I don't want an assistant I can't trust. You're actually lucky I'm even bothering to offer you a demotion." Lou swallowed, hard, taking a moment to process what the fuck was going on. She stood, ignoring her shaking legs and clenching her fists by her side. It was hard but she did her very best to school her face into an expression of determination, not wanting him to come out of this feeling as though he had beaten her. 

"You can take your demotion and shove it right up your arse." He visibly flinched, swinging his legs off of the desk and standing to match her. 

"What the fuck did you just say?" He challenged, tone dangerously calm. Lou just smiled widely.

"I said, you can take your demotion and shove it up your arse, I quit." And with that she turned on her heel and flounced out of his office, making a beeline for her own. The reality of her situation had set in quickly and she wanted to get out of the building before hiding it got too much. She may have lost her job but she refused to lose her pride. Thankfully, it didn't take long for her to pack up her personal effects, shoving anything of importance into her bag before practically running to the elevator. It was only when the lift door had closed and she was finally hidden from her former colleagues that she let herself break down, shaking uncontrollably. She had one more payday, topped up by the nice commission she'd made on the boys house but after that was going to be a struggle. Something told her she wouldn't get a good reference from her now ex-boss and she had no other experience in real estate that she could rely on. Her landlord wasn't exactly the most accommodating either. In short, she was fucked. Doing her best to keep her tears at bay she dug her phone out of her bag, still standing in the street. She would figure out why he was the first person she thought to call later. 

"Lou, hey?" For some reason, upon hearing Harrys greeting she promptly burst into tears. "Hey, Lou, what's wrong? Are you ok?" The genuine concern in his voice only increased the intensity of her sobs.

"I just lost my job." She managed to choke out, not caring that she looked like a mad woman crying so heavily in the middle of the street. "I just....Would you be able to come and pick me up? I don't want to face Rose right now." The other girl worked from home. There was no way she'd not ask Lou a million questions the minute she stepped into the flat. 

"Shit, of course Lou. Are you just by the office?" Lou nodded before realising Harry couldn't see her.

"Yeah." She answered, blushing heavily when she realised her error. 

"Ok, we'll be ten minutes, don't move. It'll be ok." Harry soothed before yelling for Liam to sort the car out and hanging up. Once again Lou nodded, forcing herself to walk to a nearby bench and sitting down. So much for having a good day. Had she not been so worried she honestly would have been laughing. How could one person have so much bad luck in such a short amount of time? 

Thankfully it didn't take long for Harry and the other boys to reach her. Even if she hadn't previously been in their car she would have been able to identify it based on the fact girls started swarming almost the moment it was parked. She was a bit concerned that she was going to have to fight her way through the growing crowd in her already emotionally fragile state but, the boys had thankfully figured out a way to prevent that. One of their security team jumped out of the passenger seat, making a beeline for Lou. She was frog marched over to the car, the bodyguard effectively making a path through the small crowd, before being all but thrown into the seat the man had just vacated. In the wing mirror she saw him getting into a fairly inconspicuous car parked a little way down the street. Clearly the boys security were used to switching things up. 

"Lou? You ok?" Harrys concerned voice snapped her out of her daydream. She'd barely even noticed him in the drivers seat, or registered the fact that the car was moving now. Her bottom lip wobbled, despite her efforts to nod with a straight face and to her annoyance the tears started up again.

"I-" She began but she quickly cut herself off, shaking her head and burying her face in her hands to hide her ugly crying face.

"Hey, don't worry." Harrys large hand gripped her thigh, rubbing it in a manner that was surprisingly soothing. "We're taking you back to our hotel and then we'll talk this out, yeah? For now feel free to say or cry as much or as little as you want." Lou managed a brief nod, keeping her face covered and doing her best to remember how to breathe. 

"Thank you for coming to get me." She managed to get out after a couple of minutes, giving Harry a rather watery smile.

"Don't worry about it." Liam spoke up from the back seats, causing her to jump slightly. Of course she'd known the other boys were in the car with them but it really was surprisingly easy for her to get lost in Harry.

"Yeah," Niall piped in. "We figured it was probably our fault anyway." The casual cheeriness of his voice had her laughing despite herself, shaking her head and running a hand through her hair. 

"A combination of you lot and my bosses need to assert himself." She muttered, not picking up on the way Harrys expression shifted to one of slight guilt. They got to the hotel surprisingly quickly and to all of their relief, they weren't greeted by a crowd. 

"Ok, we don't need to wait for security but we should probably still be quick getting to our suite, so no fucking about." Liam advised, sounding very much like a parent scolding his children. The other three rolled their eyes, clearly having heard Liam say that before but Lou gave him a small nod and a smile, silently approving of how he clearly looked after the others. Despite the others playful response everyone did as they were told, only stopping on their way to the lift to give the valet attendant the car keys. 

"Oh, we should warn you." Zayn spoke, pressing the button for the top floor. "We sorta brought all of our things with us, like everything, so it's a bit of a mess up here." Lou raised any eyebrow, already picturing the chaos. 

"I told you guys we should clean." Harry pouted, somewhat defensively, earning himself a playful shove from Niall. 

"Please don't fight while we're in a small, enclosed space." Lou groaned, feigning exasperation. Somehow her mood had improved just from being in the boys presence. Niall saluted her over dramatically, just as the elevator stopped and the door began to open. She barely even had a foot out of the door when arms wrapped around her waist and she was flung over a shoulder. "Harry!" She squealed as the boy took off running down the short corridor, stopping just before he collided with the door to their suite. 

"Li, the keys please." Lou could hear the grin in his voice as he kept a firm hold of her, tapping his foot in mock impatience as Liam caught up with them. 

"You know, I can walk right?" She muttered, Harry only chuckled.

"I know, but that doesn't mean you have to." And before she could protest anymore he was carrying her into the penthouse. Thankfully he didn't keep her upside down for too long, placing her down on the large L shaped couch in the centre of the open plan living room gently. 

"I'm gonna order room service, everyone good with pizza?" Niall shouted, heading for the phone as the other boys grunted in response and flopped themselves on the sofa around Lou. There was a moment of quiet as Niall placed the order but it didn't take long for Harry to turn and look at Lou expectantly. 

"My boss wanted to demote me for not disclosing a 'conflict of interest' yesterday. Meaning he was pissed about the commission negotiations and used the fact we know each other against me. I quit on the spot but... " She paused for a moment, sighing heavily and running a hand through her hair. "I don't have any other real estate experience, he obviously won't give me a good reference and yeah, this month will be fine because I do still have a payday and the commission to come in which will tide me over but after that I'm not sure what I'll do. My landlord isn't the most flexible, neither is Rose and I don't want to have to make do working in retail or something because that doesn't better my career." There was a pregnant pause.

"Lou, you know we won't let you struggle, right?" Harry spoke carefully. "Especially as this is my fault, technically." 

"Yeah." Zayn interjected before Lou could, giving her a wide grin. "We happen to know a lot of people who invest a lot in real estate and we could easily personally recommend you." 

"Its not that easy." Lou mumbled, somewhat sheepish. "I don't have a brokerage license or anything, I'd need to get that if I was to act independently of a brokerage firm. I can't afford the course." 

"But we can." Liam supplied, shrugging his shoulders casually. "It's not a big ask for us, really and if it helps you get out of a mess we all contributed to then it's well worth the investment." She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Harry.

"Plus, you helped us find our oh so amazing house that almost definitely has room for you to stay if you don't want to have to worry about rent payments because no offence, but Rose kind of sucks and it would be nice to have you around properly." Lou blinked, sitting up straight.

"So you guys are offering to A) pay for me to get a license, B) set me up with clients and C) house me?" She blinked again as they all nodded, shaking her head. "You do realise how that is completely way too much and I absolutely cannot accept that offer?" Her voice rose in pitch as she spoke, unable to believe what they were telling her. 

"Why not?" Niall questioned, seeming genuinely curious.

"Because it's too much!" Lou squeaked incredulously. "I can't let you treat me like a charity case." 

"Well, how about this then? You stay with us, we sort your rent and breaking your contract out and you use your paycheque to get your license. Then we might just so happen to casually mention you to any of our friends that just so happen to visit for our rather convenient house warming party?" Harry suggested, grinning. 

"You're not going to let this go are you?" She sighed, noting the determination in his voice.

"Nope." Harry answered, popping the 'p' cheerily. 

"Can I think about it?" This time it was Liam who answered.

"You can, but you only have tonight before we get over excited and start putting plans in place anyway." He shrugged. It was hard for Lou to bite back her groan. She had forgotten how stubborn the boys could be when they wanted to. 

"Fancy chilling and watching movies with us while you think it through? A movie day/night and sleepover seems like a good idea now you don't have work." Harry asked sweetly. Despite knowing it would probably be better for her to go back to her flat and make this decision away from the boys Lou found herself agreeing. 

"Sure, but I need to borrow someones clothes like now because I can't watch a movie in my office stuff." Before she'd even finished speaking Harry had jumped up and ran off to what she assumed was his room, coming back with a pair of grey cut off sweat shorts and a white shirt. 

"Bathrooms over there." He pointed, not even bothering to look sheepish at how eager he was to see Lou in his clothes. Lou refrained from commenting, accepting the pile of clothes and heading towards where she had pointed. 

How was she going to turn their offer down? 


	6. Chapter 5

Lou and the boys didn't stir until noon the next day. They probably wouldn't have woken for a lot longer either had the repetitive ringing of a phone not disturbed them all. It had been another late night. They'd ended up pulling the mattresses off of the boys beds, piling them into the living room area with all of the bedding and making what was effectively one giant bed. It had made for a very successful movie night. But, Lou had been right in her concerns. She hadn't had a chance to think everything through, wasn't any closer to providing the boys an answer, something she explained to Harry, Niall and Zayn patiently whilst Liam spoke on the phone. She put their acceptance of her request down to the fact Liam hung up the phone halfway through her explanation to announce that the boys were able to go get the keys for the new place. It gave them something else to focus on, forcing them to accept the fact they were now much less likely to get 'conveniently' bored and start making plans for her. 

"How about we drop you home while we pop into your old offices to get our keys and sort our last minute paperwork, you can have a think and, on our way to the new place, we'll pop over?" Harry suggested, breaking away from his group hug with the other boys to face Lou who was still sat on the mattresses, grinning at her four over excited friends. 

"Sound like a plan." She agreed with a nod. "You don't happen to have anymore clothes I can borrow do you? Something a bit less....I just slept with you vibes?" Harry paled slightly, looking uncharacteristically nervous before smirking.

"Technically, you did." He teased, causing her to flush bright red. It wasn't wrong either. Somehow she'd ended up squished against Harrys side, despite the large surface area of their makeshift bed. When she'd woken up he'd been spooning her, arms looped around her stomach in a way that was definitely a bit too intimate. It had felt nice though. Unnervingly so. Despite Harrys teasing he did as he was told, coming back with a white shirt that would be oversized even on him and a belt.

"No pants?" She raised her eyebrow as he held the clothes out to her. 

"You're too pixie sized for my pants, your legs would need to double in length for them to look even remotely acceptable." Lou pouted, hard. "The shirt will make a decent dress if you put the belt on though." 

"Hmmm." She frowned, not entirely sure whether or not she believed him. Either way she didn't really have a choice, the other boys had stayed remarkably quiet when it came to offering her clothes. Sighing she padded off to the bathroom, carefully folding the sweat shorts and white t-shirt she'd slept in before pulling on the shirt and winding Harrys belt around her waist. To her surprise Harry had been right. Her breasts filled out the top of the shirt quite well, rolling up the sleeves prevented the arms looking entirely ridiculous, the belt made the outfit look deliberate, not like something she'd borrowed after a night in one of the boys beds and, the shirt was long enough to cover her modesty. Plus, it was a lot comfier than her pencil dress alternative. She ran her fingers through her hair, combing it out as best as possible before plaiting it to the side of her head. Her work heels would have to do, given that she hadn't exactly brought a spare pair of shoes but surprisingly, they went nicely with her makeshift shirt dress. "Harold you actually have taste." She laughed as she reentered the living area, doing a playful twirl. 

"Wow." Harry gasped, blinking a couple more times than necessary, jaw practically dropping. "Lou..."

"You look fucking hot." Niall interjected, causing the blush on Lous' cheeks to darken significantly. 

"Stop." Lou laughed, shaking off their compliments, doing her best to not let Harrys reaction get to her. 

"Ready to go? Security are waiting at the entrance with our car" Liam questioned from the breakfast bar, effectively stealing the boys attention away from Lou to her relief. 

"Sure." Lou smiled, picking up her bag and the clothes she'd worn the day before. If she happened to slip Harrys shorts and top into her bag then that was for her to know. They were stupidly comfortable after all. Their exit from the hotel directly contrasted their entrance the day before. Their location had obviously been leaked, meaning a large group of fans and paparazzi swarmed them the second they stepped out of the hotel door. 

"Lou, you ok?" Harry almost immediately appeared behind her, clearly sensing her panic at having to face the loud crowd. She nodded, trying not to focus too much on the protective hand he placed on her waist. He clearly didn't believe her, keeping his hand in place and guiding her to the car, as though he was one of the security guards. 

"Thanks Haz." She practically gasped when she was finally safe in the backseat of the car. "Fuck, how do you get used to that?" The boys chuckled, Liam sliding into the drivers seat, Harry to her right, Niall to her left and Zayn in the passenger side.

"You sorta don't." Zayn shrugged his shoulders. "The paps are the worst like, the bright lights are blinding." 

"Remind to bring sunglasses whenever I hang around with you." She giggled, trying to lighten the mood a little. Harry chuckled, placing a hand on her thigh, something that was becoming customary. 

"But that means I won't get to see your pretty eyes." He said with a grin that didn't leave his face even when the other boys made fake gagging noises. They fell into an easy, comfortable silence for the rest of the journey to her flat in which Lou tried to ignore the strange sadness she felt at the idea of leaving their company. Or rather the idea of leaving Harrys company. There was something about his touch, his presence, that was just addictive. 

"Let me know when you're on you way back here." She smiled at the boys, giving Niall and Harry a quick hug before she slid over Harrys lap and got out the car. Thankfully, the fans and paparazzi hadn't caught up with the boys car yet and, catching the boys outside of the real estate offices was likely to be more of a valuable short than a photo of her outside of her flat without them there. 

"See ya Lou!" Zayn cheered out of the window, giving her a wave which she happily returned before heading to her house. Her good mood unfortunately didn't last long. Apparently Rose had taken her night of absence as a good opportunity to have a party, meaning the house was an absolute state.

"For fucks sake." She groaned, stepping over a wad of tissues that someone had lazily placed on top of a puddle that was definitely vomit. "Rose!" She yelled out. It was well past noon and so, it was definitely time the other girl got up and sorted out her mess. "What the fuck is this shit?" A thud, followed by heavy footsteps and the slam of a door told her that Rose had heard her shout and arisen.

"What!?" The other girl snapped, arms crossed over her chest, wrapped in a dressing gown and still wearing her makeup from the night before. Lou gestured around them.

"What the fuck is this?" 

"You were out, I had some friends over, its no biggie."

"Well, it kinda is a biggie the house is trashed. You need to clean up, like now." Rose snorted.

"Whats the fucking rush?" She questioned, defensively. 

"This is my house, I want to be able to cook and watch TV and not be in the middle of a biohazard?" Lou answered, equally as defensive, grimacing as she noticed what appeared to be a pair of knickers draped over their living room floor lamp. 

"You hardly fucking spend any time here and you kept me up the other night, I'm too hungover to sort it out so you're gonna have to deal with it."

"Yeah, how about no. I apologised for the noise and its not like I have people over a lot, I left my job and I'd quite like to have a living room to enjoy so get your shit together." Rose snorted.

"You left your job? Right, sure." Lou's eyes narrowed.

"And what is that meant to mean?" She challenged, alarmingly calm. Roses face contorted into a smug expression.

"You sure someone just didn't get uncomfortable with you playing dress up?" She taunted. "I bet an actual real woman found it fucking weird that you use women's bathrooms. Or maybe they got sick of seeing you flaunt you fake fucking tits about, as if they make you anything more than a man in costume." Lous' blood practically froze. Her stomach dropped, hands shaking beside her. She opened her mouth, wanting to respond but found herself closing it again, unable to actually find words. Rose just smirked, heading back to her room triumphantly, leaving Lou in the kitchen, surrounded by her mess, not quite sure what the fuck had happened. Calmly, too calmly, Lou found herself messaging the boys, simply saying she would come with them before heading to her room. It was only when she caught her reflection in her mirrored wardrobe did she actually break down, sobbing heavily as she pulled her clothes off, needing to see her body, needing to prove to herself that she was actually female. That she wasn't just playing dress up. That she was a woman in a woman's body. That she hadn't suddenly changed back. She stood naked in front of the wardrobe door, fingers tracing the outline of every scar, every incision, smoothing her long hair, feeling the wait of her breasts, even dipping a hand between her legs and cupping her smooth pubic area, desperately in need of reassurance. It was only after repeating this ritual over and over, looking her reflection directly in the eye that she finally calmed, trusting herself just slightly more than the dysmorphia Roses words had awoken. She dressed again, slowly, pulling on an oversized hoodie and some leggings concealing the body she felt so detached from. There was no point trying to hide her tears and so she didn't, sitting on her bed and staring into space, ignoring the ping of her phone that could only be the boys texting that they were on their way. She only moved when she heard the door, swallowing her sadness as best she could as she let the boys in. 

"Lou! We're so glad you decided to-" Niall cut himself off, noticing her tear stained face and solemn expression.

"Are you ok?" Liam spoke, frown obvious in his voice.

"And what happened to your place?" Zayn whistled lowly, looking around the close to trashed flat. 

"Lou, honey, what's wrong?" Harry was the first to reach her side, pulling her into a hug that had her bursting into tears almost immediately.

"Rose sh-" Lou choked out, hiccuping slightly before continuing. "I asked her to tidy and we argued. Sh-she asked me if I was fired because people were tired of me dressing up, playing at being a girl and using womens bathrooms." The boys fell into what could only be described as a stunned silence, no one moving for a couple of moments. 

"She did what?" Niall practically growled. 

"I'll fucking kill her." Harry muttered, pulling back from the hug slightly. Lou stopped him in his tracks, pressing herself closer to him and looking him in the eye. 

"Please, can we just leave it." She begged. "I just want to get out of here. Can you help me pack? And I guess I need to call the landlord too, just please, help me get out of here quickly?" Harry seemed reluctant but he nodded his response anyway. 

"I'll contact your landlord, is there anywhere I can find his number?" Liam interjected. Lou nodded and pointed towards the kitchen noticeboard, taking Harrys hand and leading him to her room. Zayn and Niall followed close behind, uncharacteristically quiet. 

"Um, I have cases in my wardrobe." She directed, words barely a whisper. She felt more and more like she was haunting her own body, the all too familiar feeling of detachment making it hard for her to focus herself. 

"Lou, sit down. If you're ok with us sorting your things we'll pack everything up for you. You look like you're in shock or something, rest." Harry all but commanded, hands gripping her biceps, gently moving her so she was sat on the bed. She couldn't find it in herself to object, nodding to give them permission, letting them pack while she focused on grounding herself. She focused on remembering the pain of each surgery, picturing the shape of each of the scars she had just stood carefully inspecting, reminding herself that she had changed and that she was very much in the body that she saw in the mirror. It didn't take long for the boys to fill the cases with all of her personal affects but, in that time she managed to pull it together a bit, packing up her underwear, her dilators and some of her more intimate possessions as discreetly as she could. By the time they were done, 4 cases packed with everything Lou owned, Liam had finished on the phone. He confirmed that the landlord had been very understanding of the circumstances relating to Lou's abrupt need to leave the property and, that the man had accepted her need to break the contract. He didn't mention that he'd offered the landlord a significant sum of money to get the whole thing over and done with quickly but Lou didn't question him, content to believe that her landlord was decent enough to understand the gravity of Roses words. 

"Come on Lou." Harry said gently, picking up a case in each hand. "Lets get you home."


	7. Chapter 6

Whilst the boys had been collecting their keys a handful of their security team, as well as their personal assistants, had packed up their hotel suite. They'd also collected the assorted pieces of furniture that the boys had purchased in anticipation of their move. By the time the boys and Lou arrived at the house the only word that could describe the beehive of activity surrounding the house was chaos. Two large moving vans were parked in the drive way that the boys crew were in the process of unloading. However, as they didn't have the keys yet, everything was being unloaded into the drive, meaning there was furniture and suitcases and boxes literally everywhere Presumably they only had the vans for a set amount of time and had clearly overlooked the whole not having keys thing. 

"Fuck." Liam muttered as he pulled up, hopping out and immediately making a beeline for his assistant. Zayn followed, not quite as hurried, going straight for the front door and unlocking it. Niall jumped out to help someone carry his guitar cases out of the first van, seemingly not trusting another person to handle them appropriately. 

"Are you going to be ok? I can take you somewhere quieter if you like?" Harry stayed put, running a hand through Lous long hair and speaking to her so gently, it was as if he thought words might break here.

"Trust me." She replied, trying to hold back tears that threatened to spill. "The last thing I need is quiet, I can't face my thoughts right now." Harry looked as though he wanted to question further, lips pursed and expression slightly guarded but, to her relief, he didn't.

"We'll talk later, yeah?" 

"Sure, now let's go help before the others accuse of slacking." She replied sweetly, having no real intention to talk to Harry about the effect Roses words had had on her. Her dysmorphia was a secret she kept closely guarded, as if feeling disconnected from her body somehow made it less hers. Harry nodded somewhat cautiously, clearly picking up on the lack of sincerity in her voice but he didn't push it, jumping out the car and taking her hand to help her down. 

"Hey, Lou, come help with me guitars!" Niall shouted her over, almost the moment her feet touched the ground. She nodded, doing as she was told cheerfully, more than grateful for the distraction that helping the boys provided her. Once the vans were emptied and the various boxes and cases brought into the house off of the drive most of the boys staff vanished, leaving them to it. Lou was initially on flatpack duty but, after her attempt to put together the coffee resulted in it leaning drastically to the left she was demoted to wardrobe organisation, bed making, cupboard filling and general decorating. She much preferred those tasks anyway. 

"Harry how the fuck do you have so many clothes?" She groaned, opening up yet another suitcase full of patterned shirts while the boy dragged his mattress into the room and manoeuvred it onto his bed. She didn't even need to look at him to know he was pouting.

"I like nice things!" He said defensively, clambering on the bed in a way that was far from graceful to put the sheet on before organising the duvet and pillows Lou had spent about 10 minutes wrangling into the bedding set. 

"Yeah, nice." Lou teased, picking up a rather questionable leopard print shirt and throwing it at him playfully. Harry caught it and threw it back at her with surprising grace.

"So rude!" He cried dramatically. "Anyway, why don't you go sort your things out? I can finish up here, Liams already done his room, the kitchen and is now fixing up the living room, Zayn's making sure his room is perfect and Niall is in the studio organising his children. Everything's practically sorted apart from your stuff." 

"Hmmm, so long as you think you're capable of hanging things up properly." Lou said with a smirk, throwing the shirt back at him once more before skipping out of his room, down the hallway. The boys (or rather, their assistants) had thankfully had the foresight to purchase furniture for what would have been their guest room, meaning she actually had a bed to sleep on. One of the boys had put her furniture together following the coffee table debacle and so all that was left was for her to make the bed, put away her limited wardrobe and organise her toiletries in her small en suite. She was sure to hide her more intimate items well. Even though she knew the boys were very unlikely to go searching around her room she still felt a need to be careful. To her surprise, despite her having so little to sort out Harry was still finished before her, plopping himself on her bed as she finished arranging the few photographs and decorative objects she owned. 

"Lou how the fuck do you have so few clothes." Harry teased, seeming surprised by how empty her wardrobe was, despite the fact he'd helped her pack everything up. 

"Erm, not all of us have the budget of an international superstar?" She replied, perching herself on the edge of the bed. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly silenced himself, simply accepting her answer. 

"Hey, c'mere." He gestured for her to come closer, pulling her into a hug when she obediently scooted forward. "Wanna tell me what you meant when you said you couldn't face your thoughts?" Of course he wouldn't just drop the small interaction they'd had in the car. Lou had hoped he would but she knew, realistically, that he wasn't the type to leave something like this. A heavy high left her lips and she sat up, taking a deep breath.

"Theres these lovely side affects of trans-ness called gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia." She spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully and looking anywhere but Harrys face. "Um the gender dysphoria used to be because I had a male body but was female. It's why I physically transitioned. When I transitioned it sort of subsided but I still get feelings of dysphoria combined with body dysmorphia, body dysmorphia is just...its like a constant dissatisfaction with my physical body? Essentially I really struggle with feelings of not being female enough or being a defective woman and get really worried that people think I'm not actually a woman, that I'm some sort of imposter. Roses words sort of hit home I guess and brought all this up." Harry was quiet for a moment, digesting the information that he'd just supplied her with. 

"So, when we came to get you, you were crying because her words had set this all off? Or do you always have these thoughts?" He eventually spoke, tone laced with concern. 

"The dysmorphia, the fear of not being woman enough, is sort of always there but I can usually keep it at bay." Lou confirmed. "I, when she said those things, I felt as though my body had changed back, I ended up in front of my mirror naked, making sure that it hadn't. It hasn't been that bad in a while but then I haven't experienced such transphobia in a while." Harry nodded slowly, reaching to run a hand through her hair.

"I'm so sorry Lou." He sighed, shaking his head. "I just... I can't believe how much you've been through, how much you hid form us you know? I... If it makes you feel any better, you're the most beautiful woman I've laid my eyes on." She blushed furiously, looking down at her hands sheepishly.

"It does, a bit." She mumbled, just about managing to give him a smile. He stood abruptly, practically bounding towards her door. 

"I need to run an errand." He announced, noticing the puzzled look she gave him. "Sorry it's so abrupt but it's important, really important. I have to go now." Lou wanted to press him further, ask what was so important that he had to leave in the middle of conversation but she didn't have a chance, watching as he practically ran away. 

It was weird, to say the least, but she guessed that fame probably came with quite strict deadliness. 

Not quite ready to be alone she took herself on a little tour of the house, finding herself loving how at home the boys had already made themselves. Somehow, it already looked nicely lived in. Unfortunately, her tour didn't do anything to alleviate her feeling of loneliness. Liam, Niall and Zayn were all busy doing different things and she felt quite strange just sitting in the doorways watching them, not wanting to linger too much and annoy them. Eventually she retired to her room, deciding to take advantage of the waterfall shower in her ensuite. Lou wasn't quite sure how long she ended up spending in the shower but, when she eventually stepped out, she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The steady stream of hot water had worked miracles on both her knotted muscles and her weary head so, somewhere between cleaning the makeup from her face and conditioning her hair, her stresses had been washed down the drain. The shower really was an improvement from what she was used to. After getting distracted absentmindedly admiring ow pruned her fingertips were, she wrapped herself in one of the incredibly fluffy towels the boys had supplied her room with gently patting her hair dry with another. Part of her wanted to crawl straight into bed, do her best to fall asleep and keep the worries at bay for as long as possible but something told her the boys wouldn't let her retire so early. Plus, she wanted to find out what the fuck was up with harry. She stretched, leaning forward to wrap her hair up in a turban on top of her head before stepping out of her en suite. 

"What the." She muttered to herself, blinking a couple of times and frowning at her bed. It was covered in shopping bags that definitely hadn't been there before she showered. All of the bags were heavily branded, baring the names of stores and designers that were completely out of her price range. She tightened the towel around her body, frowning as she stepped forward, and reached for the note that was nestled amongst the bags before sitting down on a portion of the bed that wasn't covered. For reasons she couldn't quite put her finger on her heart raced and her hands shook as she opened it up, reading it carefully. 

_'L, I'm sorry today has been so hard for you. I can't do much to take the hurt away but, I like to think my charm is a decent distraction. I want to help you see how beautiful of a woman you are and, it would mean the world if you wore the outfit I purchased. However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable please don't feel pressured. I'll pick you up at 7, H xx'_

"Fuck." Lou whispered to herself, setting the note down and doing her best to blink back the tears that threatened to spill. This was by far the most romantic and thoughtful thing that anyone had every done for her. Still wrapped in her towel she set about unwrapping each item, carefully untying ribbons, unfolding tissue paper and peeling off branded stickers. Harry really had gone above and beyond. She had lingerie from Agent Provocateur, a black satin gown from Prada, a pair of black Valentino studded kitten heels, a Gucci pearl necklace with a stupidly intricate bee shaped pendant and a small black Valentino clutch that matched both her dress and her shoes. By the time everything was unwrapped she'd practically gone into shock. Not only was everything beautiful, from her first glance she could just tell Harry had somehow picked got the right sizes in everything. Fuck knows how he managed to get everything so quickly but she wasn't going to complain. Partially because, with only an hour and forty minutes to go before the clock struck seven, she didn't have time to complain. Somewhat nervously she focused on drying her hair, not wanting to risk ruining any of the expensive gifts before she even had a chance to show Harry her gratitude. Once her hair was dry, she curled the ends carefully before slipping into the lingerie he'd brought for her. It wasn't anything fancy but the simplicity of the set definitely made it sexier, the slightly sheer black mesh leaving just enough to the imagination. The dress was simple in the same sort of way, the thick satin material clinging to her body, accentuating the curves she'd always been so thankful to have been blessed with naturally. She kept her makeup light, knowing the clothes would speak for themselves, cautiously bending to put on her heels (grateful for the packet of blister blasters Harry had also supplied her with). She was just about to put on her necklace when a knock on the door startled her.

"Lou?" It was Harry, sounding every bit as nervous as she felt. "Are you ready?" 

"Y-yeah." She fought the urge to curse as she stammered out a response. "I just....Can you help me with the necklace?" There was no way her trembling hands would be able to manage the fiddly clasp. 

"Yeah, of course." Harry replied, clearly doing his best to sound calm as he opened her door. The intensity of his gaze on her had her flushing furiously, ducking her head. 

"Do I look ok?" Harry exhaled sharply, immediately closing the gap in-between them and using his fingers to tip her head back up.

"You look stunning." He said it with such conviction Lou found herself believing him, smiling warmly as she passed him the fragile piece of jewellery and span around so he'd be able to fasten it behind her neck. She used the time he spent fiddling with the dainty clasp wisely, using the reflection of the mirror she was facing to check him out. He was just so effortlessly perfect. His legs looked miles long in the black skinny jeans he wore, his black sheer blouse would scream trying too hard if anyone else wore it but on him it seemed almost casual, his black Chelsea boots only seemed to elongate his legs further and the many rings on his hands were nothing short of fascinating. The most amazing part was that somehow she didn't look out of place beside him. In fact, for once, Lou felt like she actually looked deserving of someone as magnificent as Harry. "All done." His soft voice startled her out of her daydream and, blushing, she caught his eye in the mirror.

"Thank you." She breathed, hoping he'd understand the double meaning of her words as she picked up her clutch bag. He just grinned, holding an arm out for her. 

"Anything for you." The sincerity of his voice just amplified the blush on her cheeks but she took his arm as confidently as she could manage, allowing herself to be led out of her room and towards the garage of the house. "Security are going to drive us." He explained as he opened the back door of one of the many cars, gesturing for her to get in and following after once she had. "I wanted us both to be able to enjoy this."

"What is this going to be?" She questioned softly, giving the member of Harrys security team who seemed to appear behind the wheel the moment they were seated a nervous smile when she caught his eye in the drivers mirror. Harry just smirked, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

"That would be telling." He teased, looking her up and down in a way that would normally make her feel self conscious but, for some reason, felt oddly reassuring. "You really are beautiful Lou, you were made for that dress." She resisted the urge to duck her head, a strange surge of confidence compelling her to reach forward and run her fingertips over Harrys bicep, admiring the fabric of his blouse.

"And you were made for this shirt." She mimicked, teasing but still sincere, grinning widely as she noticed the faintest hint of a blush creeping up his cheeks. This Lou, this teasing, flirty, confident Lou, was new even to her. Harry took her hand in his, moving it away from his bicep and kissing her fingertips tenderly.

"Careful, or I won't have the strength to sit through dinner with you and will have to take you straight home." She quirked an eyebrow, grin only growing.

"Oh, so we're going to dinner then?" She laughed as Harry groaned to himself, smacking his forehead with his hand. 

"Fuck." He muttered, shaking his head. "Well yes, we are. I pulled a couple of strings to get us a last minute reservation at the nicest place my assistant could find. Tonight is about spoiling you, showing you your worth and how much I value you." She flushed, biting her lip.

"Harry..." She began. "You know material things don't matter too much to me, right? You don't have to do all of this." 

"I know." Harry agreed, nodding. "But you deserve it. You've had a hard day and I figured a nice grand gesture was somewhat overdue." She couldn't help but laugh at the lopsided grin her gave her, nodding slowly.

"I appreciate it Haz." She said as sincerely as she could manage, the hand that wasn't clasped in his moving to play with the ornate pendant dangling from her neck.

"You haven't tried the food yet, might want to save your appreciation until you know you like where I've taken you." Lou just rolled her eyes, knowing fine well that wherever he had chosen would be perfect.

And she wasn't wrong. 


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SO YOUR GIRL JUST BECAME THE FIRST WOMAN IN HER FAMILY WITH A DEGREE!! I HAVE A 2:1 IN LAW.
> 
> I was going to add other events onto the end of this chapter but I decided they worked better as a separate chapter so have 3,000 words of pure smut!  
> I did my best to research how recipients trans-feminine bottom surgery experience sex and hope that I have accurately portrayed it. If anyone feels I have missed something important please do let me know! Further, for anyone who wants to do some research of their own I really found the following two sources useful. 
> 
> 1) University of Uta, Health - Transfeminine bottom surgery https://healthcare.utah.edu/transgender-health/gender-affirmation-surgery/vaginoplasty.php  
> 2) International Society for Sexual Medicine - Can transgender women have orgasms after gender-reassignment surgery? https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/can-transgender-women-have-orgasms-after-gender-reassignment-surgery/
> 
> Happy reading!

Lou hadn’t been expecting much from the restaurant. Her expectations had already been more than exceeded by Harrys impromptu shopping trip and she didn’t think that anything could be more special than the effort he had put into making sure she would feel beautiful. She quickly realised that assuming the outfit was intended to be the highlight of her night was a gross underestimation of Harrys desire to ensure she was properly wooed. 

In other words, he had really pulled out all of the stops. 

The restaurant, one she recognised as one of her former bosses favourite locations for an after hours “business meeting” with a woman that was way out of his league, was completely empty. Harry had booked out the whole place and, unbeknownst to Lou, had paid so handsomely to do so that the restaurant could give anyone whose booking had to be cancelled a free three course meals, cover all their operating costs and still take a profit.

“Sir and Madam, if you would like to follow me.” Lou had flushed furiously as a waiter greeted them at the entrance, bowing at the waist slightly before turning on his heel. She couldn’t think of a single occasion where she’d been addressed as a madam before. Harry had just laughed, holding her waist protectively as they followed in the waiters footsteps. Their table was in the centre of the restaurant, directly underneath an intricate chandelier and adjacent to a full sized grand piano. It had been hard for Lou to resist the urge to openly gush over both pieces of furniture, not wanting to expose how surreal this situation was to her by acting like an excited child in a sweet shop. However, she wasn’t able to contain her excitement over the food. Harry had booked them in for the chefs taster menu, multiple courses consisting of tiny versions of the best dishes on the menu and everything was incredible. Beyond anything she’d ever had before. Sure, she’d been reluctant as hell to try some of the dishes Harry suggested, finding the idea of caviar far from appealing, but even the things she wasn’t particularly fond of (soft shell crabs and asparagus) were objectively some of the best things she’d eaten. 

Yet even better than the luxurious setting and incredible food was Harrys company. The meal was nothing short of an intimate occasion with the pair of them telling stories, reminiscing and joking non-stop throughout. She wasn’t sure how he did it but Harry had this amazing ability to appear truly invested in everything she was saying, no matter how trivial and his constant, full attention was definitely something she could get used to. Even when extra security had to show up because paparazzi had photographed Harry leading her into the restaurant he never once seemed distracted or concerned, carrying on conversation with an ease that made her forget how nervous the paparazzi made her. Whatever romance movies he’d been watching or agony aunt blogs had clearly given him some good advice. Somehow, in a way that seemed far too effortless, Harry had pulled off a perfect date. Arguably (in her view at least) the most perfect date of all perfect dates. Not even being frog marched back to the car by four incredibly burly men once they finished eating killed the mood. And, despite the fact Lou felt like she’d been simultaneously blinded and deafened due to the combination of flashing cameras and screaming girls, she still struggled to contain her giddy happiness once they were both safely tucked into the backseat.

“So, I did well?” Harry teased, pressing a button Lou barely noticed to make a partition appear, separating them from the two bodyguards in the front seat. All the boys cars had similar sort of dividers installed. They’d learnt the hard way when their second albums release date and title had been leaked by a driver that had eavesdropped on their conversation that it was better to be too cautious than too trusting. She nodded, reaching for his hand and squeezing it tightly.

“You did amazingly.” She agreed gently, leaning a bit closer and pressing a tender kiss to his cheek. “That was the best date I’ve ever been on.” 

“I do try.” Harry laughed, a little smug, obviously proud of the feedback she had given. Lou barely heard him. For some reason his proud little smile had caused something to snap within her. Every single part of her body was screaming at her to kiss him and to kiss him hard. It was almost as deafening as the screams of his adoring fans. “Lou, you good?” She blinked, breaking out of her daydream and giving him a sweet smile, hoping to appease his concern at her sudden silence.

“I’m perfect.” She said gently and, before she could talk herself out of it she was leaning in, joining their lips together. Harry startled momentarily but quickly relaxed into it. She’d be lying if she said the way his large hands moved to hold her waist didn’t fill her stomach with butterflies. Before she had the chance to deepen the kiss he was pulling away.

“You really are” He breathed out, moving one hand to run through her hair. It took Lou a couple seconds to get what he meant but then she remembered the words she’d uttered before kissing him.

“That was terrible.” She groaned, playfully swatting his chest.

“Meanie.” Harry pouted dramatically before closing the gap between their lips once more. The kiss was more heated this time and Harry quickly took control, holding her as close as their seatbelts would allow. Lou was barely able to remember how to breathe, clinging to his shirt as if the slightest bit of distance between them would make the whole moment disappear. Neither of them registered that the car had stopped, too consumed in memorising every contour of the others lips. They only pulled apart when the driver knocked on the partition, letting them know that they were back in the house. 

“Haz.” She whispered, a little breathless and still clinging to him. “Can I stay with you tonight?” A loaded question, a pointed gun and they both knew it. Harry couldn’t seem to stop himself grinning, nodding eagerly before catching himself and clearing his throat.

“Um, yeah, sure.” His attempt to play it cool had her laughing, kissing him gently on the nose.

“Come on then curly, take me to your room.” She regretted her words almost immediately as, almost the moment she spoke them, a mischievous grin appeared on Harrys face. “Do-“ She began but she ended up cutting herself off with a shriek as Harry somehow opened the car door, pulled her out with him and threw her over his shoulder. “I can walk you know.” She muttered dryly but made no effort to struggle, simply holding onto Harrys shirt for stability.

“I know.” Harry agreed simply, unlocking the door with surprising ease considering the fact he was also holding up a whole human. “But it’s much more romantic if I carry you to my bedroom, isn’t it?” 

“I’m not sure throwing me over your shoulder is really a romantic gesture.” She feigned exasperation. Apparently living with the boys would require her to get a bit more accustomed to being upside-down. At this point she’d lost track of the amount of times she’d been thrown over Harrys shoulder. The man was quiet as he carried her up the stairs and into his room, closing the door behind him before rather unceremoniously dropping her on the bed.

“What about throwing you on your bed? Is that better?” He teased, smirking like an idiot. Lou groaned, reaching for one of his pillows and throwing it at him.

“You know, it’s not too late for me to go to my own room?” She crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Harry pouted once more, something that seemed to becoming as much of a habit for him as being upside-down was for her. 

“I disagree, I think it’s very much too late for you to go to your own room. A pretty lady like yourself shouldn’t be walking around at night.” Lou just laughed, pulling at his arm so he fell on the bed beside her.

“Are you going to shut up and kiss me again?” She huffed, giving him the best fake glare she could muster. Harry pretended to think for a moment before grabbing her by her waist once more and pulling her into his lap. He placed a kiss on her nose, just as she had done in the car, then joined their lips together. It was a tender kiss, gentle, not nearly as intense as before but their position made it so much more intimate. She could barely believe how perfect it felt. A small whimper left her lips as Harrys hands moved to squeeze her bum through the silk of her dress and she found herself mimicking his actions, pushing up his shirt, suddenly desperate to feel his skin on hers. She let out a slightly embarrassing squeak when Harry suddenly flipped them so that he was hovering over her. 

“You’re amazing.” He mumbled against her throat, creating a trail open mouthed kisses against her neck as if his life depended on it. Once she was squirming under him he pulled back, looking her straight in the eye. Even just the way he looked at her made her feel like she was a prized possession, something to be cherished. She wasn’t quite sure how that was possible. “Can I undress you?” She was nodding before he’d really finished the sentence, unable to hide how eager she was. 

“Please.” She practically breathed, back arching as his hands travelled over her body like he was trying to commit her every curve to memory. He didn’t need much more convincing, nodding hurriedly before pushing the dress up and over her head, leaving her in just the lingerie he had brought her, her necklace and her shoes. If his gaze had been intense before it was practically burning now. 

“Fuck.” He muttered, eyes roaming over her just as his hands had, still intent on memorising her body. For once, despite knowing some of her surgical scars were on display, having another person see her so exposed didn’t feel terrifying. Lying in front of Harry felt strangely natural. “Lou your…” He trailed off, shaking his head as if he couldn’t think of the words. 

“My turn to undress you.” She responded gently, breaking him out of the stupor he seemed to have fallen into. It was hard for her to keep from swooning upon noticing the slight blush that spread across his cheeks as she directed her attention to him. Swallowing and sitting up a little she did her best to focus, carefully undoing the buttons of his shirt before sliding it off of his shoulders. Once it was off she didn’t let herself get distracted, moving her hands straight to the button of his jeans and undoing them carefully. “You’re gonna have to help me out here.” Harry picked up on the nervous edge to her voice, kissing her cheek gently in reassurance before standing to shimmy out of his skinny jeans. It was impossible for her to turn away as he did so and, had she been a weaker woman she probably would have been drooling. If she was amazing, like Harry had said, then he was god like. 

“I’ve been working out.” He quipped playfully, clearly feeling the intensity of her gaze as she did her best to take his form in. 

“No kidding.” She exhaled, just about fighting the urge to throw herself at him. He chuckled and sat back on the bed, jeans finally off. To her surprise he pulled back when she tried to close the gap between them, a serious look appearing on his face. 

“Lou, you gotta let me know if you’re uncomfortable at any point and if you want me to do anything differently.” 

“Please just treat me like a normal woman.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, her voice taking on a strange, pleading tone. His brow immediately furrowed, concern evident.

“You are a normal woman.” He responded, the sincerity of his statement leaving no room for doubt. “I just don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You won’t.” She replied with just as much sincerity. “We’ll need to use lube but you won’t hurt me, I trust you.” Harry grinned and closed the gap himself, kissing her so hard it was almost bruising. She melted to his touch. Pressing herself as close as she could she straddled his lap, placing herself almost directly on top of his crotch. The groan her action coaxed out of Harry was sinful to say the least and gave her a sudden boost of confidence. Unable to keep from smirking against his mouth she began to rock her hips down, grinding their cores together and allowing herself to moan at the feeling. The effect was instantaneous. Harry practically growled, flipping them so she was on her back once more, eyes blown out with lust. 

“No one likes a tease.” He purred, removing her bra and throwing it to the side. She raised an eyebrow, looking down to his crotch and back up.

“I’ll have to disagree with that.” She said sweetly, grinning when Harry growled once more. Never in her life had she been so turned on by just the sounds a lover was making.  
The effect Harry had on her was more than a little bit ridiculous.

“You’re lucky I’m so desperate to be inside of you.” Harry warned, reaching over her to open his dresser drawer, searching with his hand for what Lou assumed was lube and a condom. “Or I’d show you what teasing really is.” After a couple of seconds his hand emerged successful, a small pink bottle and matching foil packet clutched between his fingers. She squirmed in anticipation, watching with eager eyes as he placed the items down on the bed before hooking a finger into the waist band of her panties. “I reckon it’s time these came off, don’t you?” 

“Yes, please.” Lou replied immediately, not really caring about how needy she sounded. If Harry could be desperate then so could she. For the first time since Lou had her bottom surgery she wasn’t nervous about someone else seeing her. They hadn’t really discussed the process Lou had been through to get her body to match her identity and yet, she felt safer with Harry than she had with anyone else. Harry made quick work of slipping the panties off of her, eyes raking over her now naked body hungrily. 

“Fucking hell.” He murmured, shaking his head. “You’re perfect, so perfect.” 

“They pay doctors quite a lot to give people bodies like mine.” She giggled, not quite sure how to respond to such an intense compliment. Harry just laughed, diverting his attention away from her momentarily, focusing on opening up the lube. Lou couldn’t help but smile fondly at the small victory cry her gave when he finally popped the cap open. It was actually unfair how endearing his every action was to her. 

“Tell me if you need me to go slower.” He breathed as he shifted position slightly, placing a number of butterfly kisses on her stomach before spreading lube over his fingers and focusing on carefully opening her up. It was, as always, painful at first but it didn’t take long for her body to adjust. Her surgeries had, to her relief, been very successful meaning she not only had good depth but had retained sensitivity. She whined, arching up a the pain subsided and Harry continued carefully stretching her open. She could tell he was still concerned about hurting her but she tried not to think about it too much, focusing on how amazing his fingers felt inside of her and how tenderly he was treating her. It was as though she was made of glass. She had to admit, she could get used to being treated so gently. 

“Oh, fuck!” She cried out, grasping at the sheets, eyes scrunching closed as Harry pressed his thumb over her clitoris suddenly, rubbing in circles as he opened her up. “Oh my god.” Most (all) of the men she had slept with post surgery had overlooked her clitoris, assuming it wouldn’t be sensitive or that she just couldn’t orgasm anymore. It was incredibly frustrating having to explain to them that she could actually experience pleasure and was capable of getting off. Harry just seemed to know her body so well. It was as if it was second nature to him. “I’m ready.” She blurted out, opening her eyes and meeting his gaze. For a moment he looked startled but he quickly recovered.

“You sure?” She nodded, eagerly, moaning sweetly as he slid his fingers out of her and hastily removed his own underwear. A badly disguised gasp escaped her lips as she finally saw him, eyes widening a little as she tried (but failed) to keep from staring. 

“You’re quite big.” She breathed, blushing as he smirked at her in response. “I-Im sorry, you might need to not thrust all the way.” And there was the all too familiar embarrassment. Harry had managed to hold it back temporarily but clearly it just had to rear its ugly head, invading her thoughts in an effort to make her feel ashamed of the body she had. 

“Hey.” Harry somehow managed to sound both firm and gentle, reaching a hand to tip her chin up so he could look her straight in the eye. “Don’t apologise Lou, you’re perfect, so perfect and you have nothing to be sorry for.” Her nodded response must have been satisfactory because he shifted back, tearing open the foil packet she’d almost forgotten about and rolling the condom over himself. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what to do.” He coated his length in lube then gently spread open her legs, placing one of her ankles on his shoulder before he lined himself up and entered her. Frustratingly slowly but with such care and consideration she thought her heart might jump out of her chest. 

She could safely say she’d never experienced pleasure like it before.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> Sorry for the slightly longer than normal wait for a chapter, my WIFI has been down for a week (and still isn't fixed) so I'm relying on extremely limited 4G. This is a bit of a filler unfortunately but it will be getting more intimate etc etc in coming chapters. Every time I write part of this I want to add more and more parts to it so it might end up being quite long. 
> 
> Also I didn't want to give examples of any of the transphobia as A) I don't want to trigger anyone unnecessarily and B) I don't think its necessary for the plot, its enough to know there is some transphobia. All discussion of real estate industry and qualifications etc is likely hugely inaccurate. I honestly haven't researched it at all other than watching Selling Sunset (which probably doesn't count) so take everything said lightly as it is 100% made to fit the story and more than likely not the reality. 
> 
> Enjoy! xx

Harry woke Lou up in typical Harry fashion.

By stubbing his toe on his bed post, hopping backwards in the pain and subsequently falling over as he misjudged his landing somehow.

“Fuck, ouch!”

His loud shout had her jumping up immediately, bleary eyed but on edge. She normally didn’t wake up to the sound of loud crashing and male voices and so it took a couple of moments to remember a)where she was and b)why she was there.

“G’morning Harry.” She did her best to hold back laughter as she startled Harry, his facial expression changing from one of pain to one of definite embarrassment. Sheepishly he picked himself up off the floor, sitting back down on the bed.

“I was going to bring you breakfast and wake you up nicely.” He explained, still blushing. “But clearly thats gone out of the window, morning Lou.” She just laughed, scooting herself closer to him and pressing a tender, bold kiss to his cheek. She’d never been a morning person but something about waking up to Harry made her not care how early (or late) it was. His presence was enough to put her in a good mood.

“Waking up to you is waking up nicely.” She said gently, running a hand through his hair in an effort to somewhat tame his curls. They were defiant, as she’d expected, remaining in their sex and sleep mussed tangle. “Especially when you’re in pain.” Harry pouted heavily for a moment before throwing himself at her, half lying on top of her In a weird tackle/bear hug mix. She squeaked in surprise but didn’t really have time to object as he almost immediately started tickling her.

“Take it back!” He exclaimed as she wiggled beneath him, half laughing and half gasping for air. She managed to hold out for a few minutes before it eventually got too much.

“I take it back, I take it back, stop!” She exclaimed, doing her very best to wriggle away from his hands and glaring at him when he finally released her, his smug smirk not going unnoticed. “Honestly, I sleep with you and this is how you treat me?” Harry snorted.

“I think sleeping with me benefitted you just as much as it benefitted me if I remember correctly.” He teased, standing up to pull on a pair of pants and a t-shirt. “Wanna join me in the kitchen while I make us some breakfast?” She pretended to think for a moment.

“Only if you lend me some clothes. I don’t wanna go to my room for pyjamas.”

“Help yourself.” Harry responded almost too quickly, gesturing at his closet. He clearly liked the idea of her sitting in his clothes at the breakfast bar, obviously having spent the night together, as much as she did. With a grin she slid out of the bed, helping herself to a pair of black boxers that she had to fold at the waistband to ensure they stayed up and a white t-shirt that would be oversized on Harry, making it like a dress to her.

“I’m keeping these.” She warned, grabbing her phone off of the bedside table. Harry just nodded, holding the door open and gesturing for her to go before him.

“I don’t doubt it.” She could hear the grin in his voice as she skipped out of his bedroom and into the hallway. Without thinking she grabbed his hand as they walked down to the kitchen together, suddenly unable to go without touching him longer than five minutes. It almost felt as though if she didn’t keep a hold of him then all of this would slip away from her. Harry didn’t seem to mind, squeezing her hand in his in a way that soothed her more than it probably should have.

“What you making then, chef?” Once in the kitchen she released him, immediately taking a seat at the breakfast bar as if walking down the stairs had tired her out. Harry hummed in thought, reaching into one of the drawers and pulling out an apron. It was, to her surprise, pastel pink, with lots of frilly white lace decorating it. Any normal person, male or female, would have looked ridiculous in it but not Harry. Harry somehow pulled it off, making it look like a high fashion piece rather than the product of an over enthusiastic grandmas sewing machine. Even with the ominous looking stains and burn marks that covered almost the entirety of its front.

“Well, what would the fine lady like?” He questioned, bowing his head and curtseying as dramatically as he could physically muster. The deliberate exaggeration of his movements was far from graceful but did make her laugh despite her attempts to remain stoney faced. She thought for a second.

“Pancakes, please.” She eventually decided, clapping her hands together excitedly. She was sure Harry had made pancakes for her once when they were younger. He always had been the best chef out of the group after all. Harry nodded, just as eager as she was, clearly seeing this as an opportunity to impress her.

“Pancakes you shall get.” He saluted her, rummaging around in various cupboards for the right equipment and ingredients. To Lous’ surprise everything was well stocked and well organised. Given that no one bar Harry had left the house the previous day she assumed one of their assistants had been put on grocery duty. It was quite likely though that Harry had been behind the organisation seeing as he clearly knew where everything was. “I’ll make a big batch, the others are bound to want some.” He mused out loud. Liam and Niall padded into the kitchen as if on cue, rubbing their eyes and yawning.

“I thought I smelt food.” Niall mumbled, taking a seat beside Lou and immediately resting his head on her shoulder.

“I’ve barely even begun.” Harry laughed. The blonde just waved a hand at Harry half heartedly, as if he was shooing him away..

“My spide-y senses kicked in, duh” Liam snorted, giving Lou a brief wave and moving towards the coffee machine.

“Coffee everyone?” He asked, already pulling 5 mugs out of a cupboard, clearly predicting that everyone (including Zayn when he awoke) would want one. Lou nodded her response anyway, not wanting to seem as though she was ignoring him. Niall and Harry followed her lead. The kitchen fell into a peaceful quiet, interrupted only by he combined sound of Harry whisking and the slow grinding of the coffee machine grinding. It was oddly soothing really and, had it not been for the fact Niall had moved his head in favour of staring at her intensely Lou may have been able to drift off in her seat until breakfast was prepared.

“Niall, are you trying to burn holes in me with your eyes?” She finally addressed his gaze. The smug smirk that immediately spread across his face had her instantaneously regretting her decision to acknowledge him.

“So.” He drawled, wriggling his eyebrows in the most ridiculous way Lou had ever seen. “I can’t help but notice that you’re wearing Harrys clothes.” He pretended to inspect his nails dramatically. “And you both mysteriously went missing last night, only to come in quite late.” Lou groaned, dropping her face into her hands.

“Yes Niall, we went on a date.” She responded, voice slightly muffled by her palms. Niall exclaimed excitedly, patting her on the back so hard it almost winded her.

“Oops, sorry, got carried away.” He apologised almost immediately, rubbing her back to soothe her the second she displayed discomfort. “Now tell us all about yo-“ He was cut off by the shrill ringing of her phone, wincing and immediately covering his ears with his hands in protest. Lou rolled her eyes at him but quickly flicked her phone onto silent, muting the obnoxious noise.

“Thats weird.” She frowned heavily upon noticing the caller ID. “My old boss is calling?” The boys looked at her with near identical curiosity painted across their faces.

“You gonna answer it?” Harry questioned, setting down his whisk. Lou thought for a second before nodding, prompting Liam to shut the coffee machine off.

“Hello, this is Lou Tomlinson speaking.” She answered, doing her best to make her voice as sickeningly sweet as possible. Her old boss didn’t even need to speak to alert Lou to the fact he was more than likely clenching his fists.

“Ah, Lou, I was just calling to let you know that upon further consideration I believe I acted rashly the other day in firing you.” Lou frowned but didn’t interrupt. “I see now that your relationship with my clients was a very positive thing and that I’d be stupid to let you move to another employer, given how good you are at what you do and how well connected you are. Would you like your old job back? We can negotiate your contract and wage packet slightly if necessary.”

“What do you mean I’m well connected?” Lou replied almost immediately. Part of her wanted this to be conducted over FaceTime so he could be on the receiving end of her glare. It was quite hard to express her distaste for the man with only her voice.

“Well, obviously, you knew my clients from the other day. As you’re still hanging around with them I’m sure there is potential for you to meet other individuals of their status. Obviously if you exploited that potential it would be beneficial both for yourself and for the business.” Lous eyebrows practically shot up.

“You want me to use my friends to bring you clients?” She replied dryly. Her boss chuckled. It was hard to tell if it was nervous laughter or if he thought she didn’t understand his ridiculous request.

“Well, yeah. But obviously you’d be bringing the company clients, not me.” Lou rolled her eyes. There was absolutely no way he would share high-profile clients and lose out on profits. He’d literally fired her because she got a split of his commission. “I’d obviously compensate you nicely with a salary increase and a greater commission percentage.” He added as somewhat of an afterthought, as if it pained him to have to consider rewarding her. Lou was silent for a moment, processing what had just been said. Part of her wanted to go off on him, point out how terribly he treated his employees and tell him to go fuck himself. The other part of her wanted to retain her dignity. Thankfully the second part won. Without saying a word she hung the phone up, knowing that her former boss would likely have no idea why she would respond in such a way. Groaning she slid the phone across the breakfast bar, taking a large sip of the coffee Liam had placed in front of her at some point during her call.

“What did he want?” Niall asked, as if he hadn’t just overheard the entire conversation.

“He wanted me back.” Lou replied, disbelief evident in her voice. “Because I’m ‘well connected’ now I hang around with you lot. How did he even know I’ve been spending time with you?” Liam raised his eyebrow at her.

“You don’t know?” He questioned, somewhat incredulous. She frowned, shaking her head and looking to Harry for answers.

“Well.” The curly haired man began, sounding slightly sheepish. “You’re sort of all over twitter? Paparazzi have obviously got a good few shots of you with us and our fans are quite thorough when it comes to investigating the women we choose to spend our time with.” Lou blinked a couple of times before groaning. How could she have forgotten the fact the boys, and by default her, every move was tailed? How could she have forgotten the fact extra security were needed for her and Harrys date? She put the latter down to Harry. He’d distracted her entirely from the flashing lights and camera clicks while they were out and then kissed the memory away when they were in bed together. The former, well that was on her.

“You good?” Harrys concerned voice snapped her out of her daydream, causing her to jump a little in her seat.

“Yeah, just being an idiot. I sorta forgot you guys are super famous for a moment.” She teased. Harry and Niall immediately faked outrage but their little tantrum didn’t last for long. The pancakes were finally up to Harry standard and Niall got roped into sorting out the toppings while he plated up. The second Harry placed a plate in front of her Lou’s stomach growled loudly, causing her to blush and the boys to laugh.

“Was that a bear?” Harry gasped, giving her a playful wink.

“M’hungry.” She pouted, fighting the urge to throw the plastic lemon juice bottle at him as he served the other boys their plates.

“Work up an appetite last night did ya?” Niall teased through a mouthful of food, having covered his pancakes in Nutella and tucked in at record speed. Lou lost the battle to refrain from throwing the lemon juice that time, successfully hitting his head with it as Harry chucked a tea towel at him for good measure. “Take that as a yes.” He muttered dryly, rubbing the spot on his forehead where the lemon shaped bottle had hit him. Lou didn’t even need to find a second object to throw as, no sooner had Niall spoken, Liam was elbowing him in the ribs, hard.

“I’m eating!” He protested, his own pancakes covered in berries and honey in a disgusting attempt to be healthy. Lou tried her best not to wrinkle her nose, given that he was technically defending her honour, focusing instead on kissing Harrys cheek as he sat down beside her.

“Thanks for breakfast, Haz”

\- - - - - - - - - -

Breakfast, from that point onwards, was a relatively uneventful affair. The topic of conversation shifted away from the recent developments within Harry and Lous’ sex life, instead focusing on Lous’ real estate career. Apparently the boys knew a lot more people in need of houses within the UK than they had initially thought. The most notable name on their long list was Ed Sheeran but he wasn’t the only celebrity by far. Having finished up her breakfast Lou did a bit of research into the qualification she would need in order to take her own listings and work with clients independent of a brokerage. There was, to her surprise a fast track option. It would mean she could be financially independent of the boys a lot sooner than initially expected as her savings would just about carry her through the courses whole duration. Unfortunately, it was a great deal more expensive than the normal length course. It would essentially cost her all of the commission she’d made from selling the boys their house and, as much as she hated the idea of them paying for her place she couldn’t really think of another way to get her license. It might be shorter than the ordinary course but it still demanded full time study for the best part of six months. She wouldn’t have any other means of making income and so she needed to do her best to conserve her last paycheque, the commission and her exceptionally small savings fund. Even though the boys had promised her a place to stay and a place on their tour she still needed a safety net, a just in case. It took a while for the boys to accept that but eventually they did, Harry significantly more reluctant to do so than Niall and Liam had been. Eventually they got onto the topic of how Lou would pay them back. To Lou this was a certainty, there was no way she would allow them to essentially gift her such a large sum and, although the boys saw it as more of a possibility they thankfully engaged in the conversation. To their view, it would be easy for Lou to pay them back based on the commission she would make selling houses to their famous friends. Plus, again in their view, her living expenses would be low if she did end up coming on tour with them and working internationally as everything would pretty much be provided for her. They were just beginning to discuss the likelihood of Lou touring with them when a strangely awake looking Zayn appeared in the kitchen.

“Whoa Zee, have you already have coffee because you’re moving at regular speed already.” Niall quipped.. Lou would have laughed along with him had the urgent look on Zayn’s face not been so concerning.

“Zee, whats up?” Liam asked, immediately putting Zayn’s now cold mug of coffee into the microwave.

“Um, Lou, Harry it kinda concerns you.” Harry, who had been in the process of piling pancakes onto a plate for Zayn, stopped what he was doing immediately. His frown indicating that Zayn’s words and expression had unnerved him just as much as they had unnerved Lou.

“What do you mean?” He asked, tone cautious. Zayn swallowed, giving Lou a sympathetic sort of smile before passing Harry his phone solemnly. Twitter was open but Lou couldn’t make out anything else.

“Haz, Zayn, what is it?” The way Harry paled, brow furrowing even further as he glared openly at whatever he was reading filled her with dread. Clearly whatever Zayn had seen wasn’t positive. “If you don’t explain now I’m going to look myself.” She nodded to where her phone laid on the breakfast bar, just out of her reach. The panic she felt was evident from the way her voice rose in pitch, distracting Harry from Zayn’s phone immediately. He practically shoved it back to Zayn, moving to her side and pulling her into a tight hug. “Harry, whats going on?” She pleaded, the tremble of his shoulders doing nothing to console her.

“They…the paparazzi that saw us last night they found out who you are.” He spoke slowly, cautiously, as though he was trying to stop himself from crying.

“Why does that matter?” She questioned, not understanding why Harry and Zayn looked so grave.

“Because they also found out who you were.” Zayn stepped in. “I couldn’t find their source but they somehow figured out that you’re…well, that you’re trans.” And fuck. That explained the frantic behaviour and solemn expressions. The explained why Zayn had shown Harry the phone first. She swallowed, hard, doing her best to blink back the tears already threatening to spill from her eyes.

“Its not positive, is it?” She already knew the answer but she needed verbal confirmation.

“Its absolutely vile.” Harry just about managed to whisper, loosening his grip around her so that he could look her in the eye. She gulped, his glassy eyes and pale face almost pushing her over the edge. There was a momentary silence as she swallowed down the nervous butterflies that had erupted in her stomach, willing her eyes to stop from watering as she tried to find her words.

“I need to see.” Eventually she spoke, the shake of her voice betraying her efforts to come across calm, and collected. Zayn and Harry immediately tried to protest but she cut them off. “Please show me what has been said. I can look by myself but I’d rather not face it all alone.” Still looking reluctant Harry nodded, silently permitting Zayn to hand over his phone, still open to twitter. There was silence as Lou read the article that had exposed her, skimming the comments briefly before clicking her name on the trending page and scrolling through tweet after abusive tweet. She sat like this for about 20 minutes, taking in every slur, every picture of her pre-transition that had somehow been leaked and every bad attempt at editing more recent pictures of her to have more male features. She would have kept going but Harry intervened, taking Zayn’s phone from her and once again pulling her into a hug. It was only then that she let herself break down, sobbing openly into his chest. The tweets hadn’t even made her feel dysphoric. They hadn’t made her doubt the fact that she was female, yet anyway. They were just cruel, so unbelievably cruel. Just thinking about some of the things she’d read had bile rising at the back of her throat.

“Lou, baby.” Harry pressed soft kisses to the top of her head, rocking her in her arms. “I’m so sorry we exposed you to this. I’m so sorry you had to see all of that. Liam will talk to our PR and legal team to get a statement put out which will hopefully put a stop to the worst of it. We can look into suing the news site too.” She could barely bring herself to nod, his voice was soothing but his words went straight over her head as she tried to focus on the feeling of his body against hers, grounding herself by doing so.

“This isn’t your fault, you know?” She eventually managed to speak, voice shaking as she pulled back slightly and gave each of the boys watery smiles. “People are just cruel.”

“We still feel responsible.” Zayn said gently, taking his phone off the counter and shoving it into his back pocket. “I’m really sorry Lou, if you want you can put together a statement and some educational resources and we can share that too? It might be a good idea for you to respond in some way so they don’t feel like they can keep getting away with this.” Lou thought for a second before nodding.

“Yeah, I just…I don’t really want to be online or you know… in public until the worst of this blows over.” She said softly, wiping away the last of her tears. Harry gave her an encouraging squeeze, a smile that said he was up to something taking over his face.

“How about you and me take a little break? I have a house in a place thats a bit more remote so it’ll get you away from the public eye. Plus, it’s a pretty good place for me to work on the album, it’s beautiful if I do say so myself.” For a moment Liam looked ready to object but he stopped himself.

“To be fair you do get some of your best lyrics written there.” He mused out loud. “And none of us have really got anything solid together yet either so it wouldn’t be putting us behind on recording.” Harry grinned, gesturing from Liam to Lou excitedly as if Liams contribution somehow made his idea even better. Lou laughed despite herself before shrugging her shoulders.

“I don’t want to take you away from this house, the one you’ve just brought.” She couldn’t quite hide the nerves in her voice. Harry just smiled at her, pushing a strand of hair out of her face and kissing her forehead.

“I think I left some of my favourite shoes there anyway.” He teased gently, eyes wide and sparkling. “C’mon, you’ve not exactly had an easy few days or years really, let me take you on a break.”

“Ok.” Lou conceded, nodding her head and making a mental note of how much of a sucker she was for Harrys puppy dog face. “Where is this house again?”


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOO smut, if you don't wanna read the naughty bits you can just stop reading at "It had to be a good sign, right?". If you do wanna read the naughty bits, have fun! I might have taken inspiration from THOSE photographs of Timothee Chalamet in the pool bc yeah invasion of privacy and all but HOT. Also I have a raging daddy kink, sorry not sorry. 
> 
> I did edit out a bit from the previous chapter that said the house had beach access because me and my terrible geography knowledge eventually realised that wouldn't work with the location I wanted this to be set in. We're really doing full Hollywood, ok? Also, side note my plan for this (like most things) keeps evolving and growing so this may end up being a lot longer than expected. You have been warned. 
> 
> Comments are very welcome as this is like the third time I've written straight sex and even though I only have straight sex for some reason writing it is very hard.

t had taken Lou almost the whole journey to the airport to get over her shock. 

She’d assumed that the casual approach Harry and the boys took to them to going away for a short break meant that the house was in England but, in assuming so, she’d clearly underestimated them all. Harrys house was actually in California. More specifically, in the Hollywood hills. Hence its remoteness. And, if that hadn’t been enough for her to process, by the time she’d packed a case with all the semi-summery clothes she owned, despite being reassured that they could pick up new things when they arrived, Harry had tickets for the next flight.

It was all incredibly surreal. 

Things didn’t get any less surreal when they got to the airport. By some miracle paparazzi hadn’t tailed them to the airport but Harry clearly wasn’t taking any chances. They were escorted through the airport by what felt like Harrys entire security team, their identities effectively concealed by the human shield the bodyguards formed around them. Getting through the airport security was a breeze, given Harrys status and the fact the staff seemed to be under instruction to move everything along quickly. Once through security they got to enjoy the first class lounge. Or rather, Lou got to enjoy it. Harry seemed quite accustomed to the platters of carefully arranged fruit and free to use Nespresso machines but it was all novel to her. And, for the first time in her entire life, Lou actually enjoyed the time they spent in the air. The seats were comfortable, the food was delicious, the toilets were clean, it was quiet and most importantly she got to spend most of the flight tucked into Harrys side, watching random Disney movies. It was definitely something she could get used to and, by the time they landed, she had almost forgotten why they were getting away for a bit. 

Almost. 

Security had greeted them the moment they stepped off of the plane, clearly having been waiting at the bottom of the steps. They explained, with a sense of urgency, that Harry had been photographed whilst boarding and, as a result, there was a large crowd of fans and paparazzis waiting for a glimpse of him. Lou had been in such a panic that now, looking back, she could barely remember how she got from the landing strip to the car. Thankfully, in her panicked state, it had felt like everyone was more focused on Harry and she hadn’t heard or processed any of the comments that were directed towards her. Once in the car Harry had assured her that not all of them had been negative but, the way he’d kept his arm around her suggested that some of them had been. Halfway through the car journey Lou had panicked again, realising that she’d never picked up her bag but Harry had just chuckled, shushing her and explaining how his security team had that all sorted out. 

“I can’t believe you’ve taken me to California” She breathed, tired and more than a little bit ready to be stationary for a bit but still in awe of the scenery and city they were driving through. “This can’t count as a date or I won’t have a chance at wooing you back.” 

Harry snorted in a way that shouldn’t have been attractive but was.

“You already have me pretty wooed.” He said softly, kissing the top of her head. Had she not been so jet-lagged she probably would have kicked his shins for being so cheesy. “Also, just so you know, theres no pressure to act couple-y or sleep in my bed or anything like that. Just because we’ve moved quite quickly over the last couple of days doesn’t mean we have to keep up the pace. I’m happy to slow down.” 

“I’m sleeping in your bed.” She said firmly, tearing her gaze away from the window and looking up at him. “I don’t know about slowing down. I’m pretty overwhelmed by everything so we’ll probably need to figure that out when things have settled a bit and I’ve actually had time to process. For now, I’m comfortable the way things are.” As if to prove her point she leant up and pressed a gently kiss to his lips. In truth, she’d never felt so comfortable around someone in her whole life. They just seemed to click. Sure, they could probably do with getting to know each other more, given that they’d been apart for three years but somehow, despite how much they’d both changed, they’d immediately fallen into place. Like pieces of a jigsaw. Not that Lou would ever say that out loud. She pressed herself against his chest as best as her seat belt would allow, focusing on the sound and feel of his heartbeat. 

“You can sleep you know?” 

The warmth of the car, the calming thud of Harrys heart and the feel of his hands running through her hair, combined with the sensation of relief that finally having a break provided her with, eventually lulled her to sleep. And, although he’d wanted to watch her reaction to seeing his house for the first time, Harry hadn’t been able to bring himself to wake her up. Instead he’d carefully lifted her out of the car and carried her bridal style to his bedroom. He’d taken her travel clothes off and put her in one of his t-shirts without causing her to stir. Despite being quite accustomed to the lengthy plane journey and well adapted to the sensation of jet lag it hadn’t taken him long to join her in bed, wrapping himself around her sleeping form. Protective, even in his sleep. 

\- - - - - - - - - -

Lou was beginning to get used to the feeling of waking up in unfamiliar environments. However, she had to say that Harrys LA villa was definitely the best strange place she’d found herself in as of yet. She couldn’t even bring herself to be cross at Harry for forgetting to close the blinds on his floor to ceiling bedroom windows, too in awe of the view said windows provided.

“See something you like?” Harrys voice startled her out of her trance, drawing her attention away from the glistening infinity pool that took up most of what seemed to be Harrys back yard. 

“We’re going swimming later.” She replied simply, rolling over to face the man beside her. Her stomach flipped. The sunlight that was bathing the room cast a golden glow over Harry, the stark white sheets highlighting the warmth of his skin and somehow emphasised his toned form. His eyes, despite being slightly bleary with sleep, were practically shining and she could not get her head around how he managed to make bed hair look so perfect. 

“Earth to Lou.” Harry once again broke her trance, waving a hand in front of her face. “You’re about to start drooling.”

“You look good.” She practically blurted out, immediately feeling her cheeks flush red. 

“You look better.” Harry said gently, leaning to kiss her lips and, while her defences were down, pulling her into an impossibly tight hug. They remained like that for god knows how long, neither of them talking or keeping track of time. Eventually the combination of their full bladders, their need to shower and their empty stomachs forced them apart. Harry, ever the gentleman, let her use the en suite, padding off to the guest bathroom and promising to order them in some breakfast. He hadn’t been able to get anyone to stock up the fridge. It took Lou a good 5 minutes to figure out the shower, going through all of the settings in order to ensure she got the best one. She could barely believe her surroundings. A perk of the houses location in the hills meant that the bathroom could have the same dramatic windows as the bedroom without exposing whoever happened to use it. And so she showered with the same amazing view as she’d had in the bed. When she’d finished freshening up, wrapping herself in a ridiculously fluffy towel and padding back into the bedroom she found that Harry had laid out a silk robe for her. Gucci, of course. The way the sleeves slipped off of her shoulders and the number of times the tie encircled her waist told her that Harry had definitely purchased it for himself. She clearly was going to have to get used to clothing that was too big, given how much he seemed to enjoy seeing her in his things.

“Harry?” She called as she exited the bedroom and made her way down the hallway, hoping the house wasn’t of the scale that she could get lost in. Thankfully Harry seemed to be talking on the phone and so she was able to follow the low mumble of his voice, eventually reaching the kitchen where Harry was leaning against the counter with a very serious expression. She frowned, freezing where she stood, unsure of whether this was a phone call she was ok to overhear or one that demanded privacy. Again, to her relief, Harry noticed her dilemma and gestured for her to come in, shifting so he could pull one of the breakfast bar chairs out for her. He hung up no more than two minutes later, pinching his brow.  
“What was that?” She questioned, unable to keep the concern out of her voice. Harry just sighed, turning to face her with a half smile.

“Just the PR and the legal team giving me an update.” Her concern must have shown on her face because he was immediately by her side. “Don’t worry, it’s not a bad thing, I just hate how nothing can be straightforward. The legal team have issued all of the major media outlets publishing defamatory articles with cease and desist orders. PR are working on a statement that I can put out but they think it might be a good idea to circulate your social medias somehow and have you post something too. They think it might be easier if I come out and say you’re my girlfriend.” Lou blinked a couple of times. It was strange how the legal side of things seemed to be so much more straightforward than the image and press aspects. 

“I don’t mind my social media being circulated.” She eventually decided, shrugging her shoulders. People would likely find them anyway. “I can post whatever statement on my main instagram and maybe direct people to the account that I used to document my transition? I don’t post on it because I feel like its more of an old me thing and its hard to connect with but its pretty educational so could be a good resource. I’d rather we didn’t rush the boyfriend/girlfriend thing but I’m happy for you to say we’re dating?” Harry nodded, frown quickly being replaced with a wide grin. 

“Oh, so we’re dating now are we?” He teased, stepping closer. He nudged her legs apart with his knees, standing in the gap he created and tapping her thighs to signal for her to wrap her legs around his waist. She rolled her eyes, moving her arms so that they rested on his shoulders, squeezing him as tight as she could with her legs.

“Yeah, I’ve decided.” She said as matter of factly as she could manage, grinning as Harry leant down to kiss her gently. 

“I’ll send PR a text and they’ll send the statements over later today. The best way to circulate your main social is probably for me to share an insta story or something so you’ll be pleased to find out you have me as your humble personal photographer for the next 24 hours.” He mock saluted her before pulling away so he could send the text. Lou couldn’t bring herself to complain, strangely excited to see the sort of photographs that Harry would take of her. 

“What did you order for breakfast?” Her stomach growled as Harry typed, clearly attempting to shift the conversation to something a bit less stressful. 

“Pancakes, of course.” Harry grinned, practically throwing his phone down when he was done sending the necessary texts. “They won’t be too much longer now. Do you wanna figure out our plans for the day while?” 

“I already told you, we’re swimming in that monster of a pool of yours!” She pouted, crossing her arms around her waist and narrowing her eyes, ready to fight him if he dared to challenge her decision. Harry chuckled, shaking his head at her before leaning in and pinching her cheek as if she was a child. It took a lot to refrain from kicking him as hard as possible in the shins. 

“I know, I remember that but we cant swim for the whole day.” He said defensively, jumping back to a safe distance the minute he noticed the glare she was giving him. 

“Well we can swim and then you can show me what about this place inspires you so much?”

“Ah, but thats only possible in the evening.” Lou immediately pouted, that was a long time to wait. Clearly recognising he was no longer at risk of being kicked Harry stepped in close once more, using his forefinger to tilt her chin up before kissing her forehead. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to how tender his actions were. No one had ever been so gentle with her. “Why don’t we swim, do a food shop, eat, go for a drive and then I’ll be able to show you what you want to see?” Lou pretended to think for a moment or two. 

“Deal.” She conceded, uncrossing her arms and leaning up as best as she could to join their lips together. It was a little alarming how addictive kissing Harry was. Usually it took her weeks, if not months, to get to the point where she could be so casually intimate with someone that she was dating but with Harry it just came so easily. 

It had to be a good sign, right?

\- - - - - - - - - 

They hadn’t ended up swimming for long. 

Lou had forgot that she didn’t own and therefore hadn’t brought with her a bikini or any type of swimming costume. She’d never been confident enough to swim pre-transition and, post-transition it hadn’t really been at the top of her list of things to experience. Underwear shopping had been intimidating enough and she’d realised the less time she spent in fitting rooms having middle aged women gawk at her boob job under the guise of measuring her up the better. Not quite brave enough to go commando as Harry had suggested when she realised her predicament she’d decided on one of his white t-shirts and a matching pair of white knickers. Unfortunately, she overlooked the fact that swimming meant getting wet and, getting wet in a white t-shirt was practically same as being naked. It had taken Harry less than five minutes to realise he was getting quite the show as they splashed around together. Lou had given into his advances even quicker than that, allowing him to press her against the pool wall as they made out passionately. She wasn’t quite sure when her legs ended up around his waist, their centres aligned but she couldn’t get enough of the feeling, tangling her hands into his wet curls to keep him close as he gripped her hips so hard she was bound to bruise. 

She hoped she would bruise. 

“We should go inside.” She gasped for air, finally breaking the kiss and finding her words. Harry wriggled his eyebrows, kissing at her neck tenderly. 

“No one can see us here.” He drawled suggestively. “And you look so good wet.” Lou gasped for an entirely different reason, a breathy moan escaping her lips as he focused on creating a small love bite on the column of her throat. She opened her mouth to object but fell silent the second he rocked his hips up against hers, the hard bulge pressing against her core making her lose her train of thought. She almost threw all caution to the wind as Harry pressed their lips together once more, nearly losing herself in the passionate embrace but she managed to cling to some lucidity. 

“We don’t have lube.” Harry paused for a moment, taking in the problem she had presented. The way the corners of his mouth eventually quirked upwards, forming a playful smirk, suggested that the solution he had found was far from conventional. 

“Are you fussed about a condom, I’m clean?” She shook her head. She was clean too and it wasn’t as if she could get pregnant. “Then I have an idea.” 

And thats how Lou ended up perched on the edge of the pool, panties off, thighs draped over Harrys shoulders as the man enthusiastically ate her out. 

It was possibly the hottest thing she’d ever seen or experienced. He took his time, tongue alternating between circling her clit and stretching her open as if his life depended on it. She could barely contain her moans and Harry didn’t seem to want her to, doing everything in his power to reduce her to a writhing mess. 

“You’re not allowed to cum yet.” He whispered against her when the shaking of her legs intensified. “Only when I say, ok?” 

“Ok.” She gasped, barely able to form words as he went back to work, focusing on her clit as he inserted a finger into her. She had to give it to him. This was far better than lube. She wasn’t sure how long he spent between her legs, earnestly focusing on giving her pleasure and making sure she was suitably stretched open but, by the time he deemed her ready her voice was practically hoarse from crying out his name. If Harry had neighbours within an ordinary vicinity and wasn’t in such a remote location they definitely would have hated her. Strong hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her back into the pool. 

“I’m gonna fuck you nice and hard now baby.” Harry whispered, his lust evidenced by the rasp of his already deep voice. 

“Please.” She found herself whining, arms looping around his neck as he coaxed her legs around his waist and slipped a hand between them to line himself up. She couldn’t remember when he’d foregone his swimming trunks but she wasn’t complaining, her own wet t-shirt the only article of clothing between them. 

“Take that off, Lou.” Obediently she did as she was told, peeling the wet fabric off and throwing it aside. The twitch of Harrys cock against her entrance demonstrating just how affected he was by such a simple action. “You’re fucking sinful, you know that?” He half growled against her lips, joining them in a fierce kiss as he slowly pushed into her. The combination of Harrys spit, the water between them and Harrys leaking cock was, to her surprise, a decent substitute for lube and she felt no more discomfort than normal as he entered her. 

“Oh.” She keened, back arching and nipples tightening further as he bottomed out, filling her with his whole length. “Oh fuck, Harry.” She barely even registered how pitchy her voice was as she keened in pleasure, eyes closing tight as her nails dug into Harrys back. Harry groaned, impossibly turned on by how responsive she was and moved his hands to the edge of the pool, bracketing her against the wall and fucking into her hard and fast.

“You like that baby?” He moaned against her ear, grinning to himself when instead of answering she dug her nails into his back. “I asked a question.”

“Y-yes, fuck Harry, please.” She babbled almost immediately, the stern tone he’d taken bringing out a submissive side to her she hadn’t known existed. “Please.” She wasn’t sure why she was begging, given that he hadn’t stopped the poisoning of his hips, still fucking into her just as hard. 

“You wanna cum baby, is that what it is?” He felt the way she nodded against his shoulder, practically sobbing against his skin as he changed his pace, focusing on rocking into her hard and deep, each thrust drawing a cry from her lips. “Maybe if you ask nicely daddy will let you.” And fuck he had no idea where that came from but it just felt so right in the moment. Had Lou not been so focused on doing as she was told she probably would have cum on the spot.

“Daddy please, please.” She begged, not even hesitating. “Please daddy, I’ve been a good girl.” 

“Fuck baby.” Harry moaned, almost shocked by how un-phased Lou seemed by the name he’d accidentally given himself. His thrusts were getting sloppier, a sure sign that he was close too and so after a deliberately exaggerated pause, meant to further tease her, he finally gave her permission. Her reaction was immediate, cumming with a loud cry, her thighs squeezing around Harrys waist as she rode out the orgasm. He didn’t last much longer, the sight of her falling apart around him pushing him over the edge.

“So, daddy?” Lou eventually found her words, smirking up at the man as he tried to regain his breath. Had it not been obvious that he’d enjoyed his little slip up so much he probably would have blushed. 

Thankfully it was obviously a thing for both of them. 

“Do you want a spanking?” He challenged, slipping himself out of her and moving away from the edge of the pool, walking them both to the steps and climbing out. She giggled, clinging to him like a koala and just about managing to shrug as she did so.

“Maybe later, daddy.”


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> Long time no see! Sorry for the delay in updating this, I hope the length of this chapter makes up for this. Also the song Harry sings is Seven by Taylor Swift (from her new album) but I adapted the lyrics slightly to fit a little bit better.
> 
> Who else is still recovering from the ten year anniversary and its overwhelming underwhelming-ness?

Lou had spent most of the day trying to trick Harry into telling her where they would be going that evening. Unfortunately, despite her best efforts, she had got nowhere. Harry had maintained his silence. Knowing that he had the world in the palm of his hands and not getting any explicit answers had caused her imagination to run wild, each imagined location increasing in grandeur or obscurity. She couldn’t deny that the nervous butterflies fluttering in her stomach throughout the drive were the result of her own fantasising. She wouldn’t admit out loud but, part of her was concerned that she’d built their little trip up too much in her head and that when they finally reached their destination her reaction wouldn’t be what Harry expected. The last thing she wanted to do was upset him by not appreciating what was clearly a special place to him. To her mild annoyance, Harry had proved himself alarmingly good at deciphering her silence, one hand squeezing her thigh reassuringly, the other clutching his steering wheel. 

“Calm Lou.” He said gently, not taking his eyes off of the road. “This is supposed to be relaxing, you don’t need to stress.” She swallowed, doing her best to hide her surprise at how well he’d read her. She always thought she was pretty good at hiding her emotions. After all, she’d had plenty of practice.

“I just want to like wherever we’re going as much as you do.” She admitted, a little sheepish. Harry chuckled, not quite the reaction she was expecting.

“Lou, that's not something you need to worry about.” He said through a grin, shaking his head a little. “I’m just happy I get to show you.”

“Bu-“ Lou began but was cut off by Harry before she could finish her first word.

“Look at the sunset Lou, focus on that and stop worrying.” He commanded. Normally she would have objected, argued further, but the sunset caught her off guard, stunning her into silence once more. She’d never seen anything like it. Now that they’d driven away from the city the street lights were few and far between meaning their view was mostly unpolluted, mostly clear. Put simply it was breathtaking, a rainbow of pinks and oranges, soft, swirling peaches and golds. She found herself reaching for her phone, taking a stream of photographs, wanting to commit the sight to memory.

“It's beautiful.” She was eventually able to breathe out, watching as the colours darkened, soft peaches fading into dusky purples. Harry caught her eye playfully in the driver's mirror and gave her a wink.

“It is.” He said with a little smirk, turning his attention back to the road almost as quickly as he’d looked away. “Won’t be long now.” He added, turning off of the main road and driving down a small gravelled path. Wherever they were going seemed nothing short of an ordinary, out of use old road.

“You’re sure this is right?” Lou couldn’t help but frown as they reached a large gate, noting the fence that spanned in either direction for as far as she could see. Harry just nodded, reaching out his window and punching some numbers into a well-concealed keypad.

“Trust me, this is right.” He grinned as the gates began to open, moving forward the moment the gap was wide enough to allow his car through. “I own this land.” He added as if that explained everything. It took Lou a few minutes to figure out what made this piece of land so special.

“You own a beach!?” She couldn’t hide her shock. Of course, she knew that with Harry’s fame and fortune came a great many of privileges but this was by far the biggest indicator of his wealth and influence she’d seen so far. Which, considering she’d sold him a house, was saying something. Harry chuckled, stopping the car and turning to look at her properly. 

“I own part of a beach.” He corrected, teasing. “C’mon, let me show you.” Despite her shock she managed to nod and step out of the car, allowing him to hold her hand in his and guide her onto the sand. The actual beach was smaller than the large fence had indicated but she quickly realised that the wide perimeter was designed to keep Harry’s privacy. There was little to no chance of the paparazzi being able to catch a glimpse of Harry or whoever he chose to bring onto the beach as the fence kept them at a distance. 

“Harry.” She found herself whispering as they stepped onto the sand. Despite the dark, she could still see how pristine white it was, could still picture how clear blue the sea would be. “This is….” She trailed off, breath catching in her throat as she noticed the stars in the sky above them, bright lights peeking through the curtain of velvety black that had surrounded them so quickly. 

“Right?” Lou didn’t even need to look at Harry to know he was grinning, the smile evident in his voice. “It's amazing in the day time but at night It just feels magical to me.”

“I feel it too.” She nodded, shifting her focus from the stars to the man beside her. “Thank you for bringing me here.” Harry just smiled wider than she thought was possible, plopping himself down on the sand and patting the spot beside him.

“It's my pleasure.” 

Lou wasn’t sure how long they spent like that, laying on the surprisingly warm sand, pointing out as many constellations as they could and listening to the rhythmic crash of waves on the shore. She didn’t really care to keep track of time. It was all too easy to get lost in the beauty of their surroundings and the gentle lull of Harry’s voice as he explained what this place meant to him, how it was one of the only places he could just be Harry and how he thought that was why writing was so easy when he was here. The beach had this way of taking any weight off of his shoulders, removing the pressure he usually felt, allowing him to just be himself rather than the person he was expected to be. It knew exactly what he needed and was somehow able to provide it wordlessly, without changing. She hadn’t needed the verbal explanation, immediately feeling the same sense of comfort and welcome that Harry was trying to describe but still she let him talk. It was hard to keep from smiling as he spoke so passionately and she eventually stopped trying, eyes closed, arms crossed over her chest, grinning to herself like the Cheshire cat. At some point she fell asleep and, at some point Harry had noticed, carrying her back to the car and driving her home. She stirred only when he tucked her into bed, tenderly pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek.

“Night Harry.” She’d barely managed to mumble before succumbing to sleep again. 

If Harry had stayed awake until he’d perfected the lyrics that had half-formed in his head whilst they lay on the beach then Lou was none the wiser. 

\- - - - - -

It took Lou less than two days to forget the reason for their abrupt trip away. By the time a full week had passed her attitude towards the negative press attention had drastically changed. It was no longer so overwhelming, so ground shaking, so disastrous. Everyone important to her already knew it wasn’t as though she’d been outed unfairly and, unlike others who had their true identities exposed she was in a position of safety. Not only was she protected by a large security detail due to being Harry (and the other boys) but she didn’t live somewhere where she was at risk of prosecution as a result of her identity. Although the words were scary ultimately, they were just words. She was stronger than that. She and Harry had visited the beach a couple more times, talking through their options in terms of how to respond. Eventually, she’d decided that it was only right for her statement to advocate for better treatment of trans individuals by mainstream media and by society. It didn’t make sense to put something out criticising the hate that had been directed towards her without also addressing the need for media to be more considerate of trans rights and the existence of trans individuals. The spotlight she’d been placed under wasn’t exactly something she’d wanted but the least she could do was take advantage of it and try to make something positive from it.

Harry had shared a photograph of her midway through their trip, acknowledging that they were at the very least friends. However, given the rather intimate nature of the photograph (he’d taken it at the beach when he realised she’d fallen asleep under the stars) most seemed to interpret his statement as confirmation that they romantically involved. Neither Harry nor Lou minded this. It was the truth after all, even if they chose not to explicitly say so. In sharing said photograph Harry had made her Instagram public, expanding her follower count exponentially. Almost immediately after Lou had shared her own statement, vigorously checked, edited and ultimately approved by Harry’s PR team. It was quite powerful if she did say so herself and, the pride she felt as a result of speaking up definitely outweighed the anxiety and hurt she’d felt upon seeing the initial media response. Both her and Harry had kept their phones off from that point onwards, not wanting the media to further impede on what was supposed to be a break from all the stress but Harry’s manager had informed them that the response had been overwhelmingly positive. For some reason she didn’t really care whether it was positive or negative, all that mattered was that she’d stood her ground and shown her strength. 

Harry seemed to share the same sentiment. 

The days passed by in a blurry haze of new experiences. Hiking in Hollywood hills, shopping in designer outlets, eating the fanciest take out food Lou had ever seen, swimming until their fingers pruned, cooking when they got tired of ordering in and of course getting to know each other's bodies more. Strangely Lou didn’t feel the need to negotiate their relationship. She’d had no urge to figure out their boundaries or their feelings, content to just enjoy being the sole focus of Harry’s attention while she could. Of course, she wasn’t stupid. She knew that upon returning home their situation would need to be clarified, if not for themselves then for Harry’s fans, the media and Harry’s image, but for the moment there was no pressure and no need. It helped that they were rarely in the public eye, sticking mostly to well-concealed walking trails, the private beach and Harry’s home. On the rare occasion, they ventured somewhere more public it seemed the American paparazzi couldn’t care less about Lou, focusing all of their attention on photographing Harry. As a result, they were pretty much free to move as quickly or as slowly as they saw fit. Although there was no denying that they were moving faster rather than slower, particularly on a physical level. By the end of the week, they’d christened almost every surface in Harry’s home and shared each other's bodies under the stars more than a couple of times. They’d gotten quite adventurous, fully exploring each other's likes and dislikes, each time seeming more intimate than the last. It was the first time Lou had slept with someone on such a regular basis and, she had to admit, Harry had helped her learn more about her body than most of her previous lovers combined. It had been somewhat of a sexual awakening and she didn’t know who Harry was more proud of, her or himself. 

The last day was upon them far too soon. 

As their flight wasn’t until the evening Lou hadn’t expected Harry to wake her up at the crack of dawn. She’d anticipated a lie in. Especially as Harry had been struck by sudden inspiration late the previous evening, writing well into the night. Still, she didn’t complain as he gently coaxed her out of bed, helping her dress in clothes he’d picked out for her before leading her to the car. It had taken her longer than it should have to realise he was taking her to the beach. The journey was one she’d grown accustomed to but her sleep-addled brain took a lot longer to catch on. She didn’t manage to figure out why they were up so early, mumbling sleepily about how their flight was ages away and so they had plenty of time to sleep before going to enjoy the beach one last time. Eventually, Harry had cut her rambling off, explaining that as they’d spent their first evening on the beach watching the sun go down he wanted them to spend their last morning watching the sun come up. To watch the sunrise they kind of had to be up early. Had she not been so tired she might have made fun of Harry for being so cheesy but she wasn’t yet alert enough to do anything but melt over how romantic Harry’s plan was. 

Once at the beach they sat together in the sand, focusing intently n the horizon in front of them, pressed as close to each other's sides as was physically possible, a blanket wrapped tight around them, shielding them from the slight chill of the sea breeze. Gradually the sun made itself known, casting a golden glow over the entirety of the beach as it rose in the distance. The sea, clear and still, became a rainbow of oranges, sparkling like a stained glass window. The ripples of the waves caused the reflection of the sun in the sea's surface to shift, creating a sort of kaleidoscope of vibrant colours. Lou was so focused on taking in every last detail that she didn’t immediately notice when Harry began to sing and so she startled slightly when she eventually heard his voice, only slightly louder than the waves breaking against the shoreline. It was a song Lou didn’t recognise. A song she quickly realised was one of Harry’s own creations. She found herself holding her breath as she listened intently to the lyrics, focusing on committing them to memory, the sunrise no longer the object of her attention. Of course, she’d heard Harry sing before and she knew he had an amazing voice. They wouldn’t be in the position they were in if he didn’t. But she’d never heard him like this, stripped back with no backing music and none of the other boy's voices to support him. 

_ “Please picture me in the trees, _

_ We’ve been best friends since seven, _

_ Feet in the swing over the creek, you were too scared to jump in,  _

_ But I, I was high in the sky, with the whole world under me. _

_ Are there still beautiful things?  _

_ Sweet tea in the summer, _

_ Cross your heart don’t tell no other,  _

_ And though I know you’ve changed and changed, _

_ But I still got love for you, _

_ Your braids like a pattern, I’ll love you to the moon and to Saturn, _

_ Passed down like folk songs,  _

_ Our love will last so long.  _

_ And I’ve been meaning to tell you, _

_ I think your old house was haunted. _

_ You were always so sad and that must be why _

_ So I think you should come live with me  _

_ And we can be pirates.  _

_ Then you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet, _

_ And just like a folk song, _

_ Our love will be passed on. _

_ Remember us playing in the weeds, before we learned civility,  _

_ We used to scream ferociously, any time we wanted.  _

_ Sweet tea in the summer,  _

_ Cross my heart, won’t tell no other,  _

_ And though I know you’ve changed and changed, _

_ I still got love for you,  _

_ Pack your dolls and a sweater, we’ll move out here forever.  _

_ Passed down like folk songs,  _

_ Our love will last so long.”  _

She’d never heard anything so beautiful. 

“Harry.” She breathed, lip between her teeth as Harry reached out and gently wiped the tears she didn’t realise she’d cried off of her cheeks. “That was…” She trailed off, not quite having the words, head reeling as she tried to process everything. “Was that about us?” Harry grinned wide.

“Of course.” He replied gently, squeezing her tightly with the arm he’d had been wrapped around her waist since they got to the beach. “I wrote it on our first night, while you slept. I just…I guess I was feeling a bit nostalgic? I wanted it to sound like the closing of one chapter and the start of the other. Like a goodbye to our childish sort of friendship and a hello to….this“ He explained somewhat sheepishly. Not that he needed to. It made perfect sense in Lou’s head now she knew it was meant to feel so personal, like something she’d lived through. 

“Is it for the album?” She knew the answer but asked the question anyway, flushing furiously as Harry nodded. 

“I want it to be one of the singles.” He confessed. “I showed the boys the lyrics when I was sure of them and they agree too, I think we’ll record it when we’re back. They’ve made good progress with some of the other track too” Lou swallowed heavily, unsure as to why Harry's words caused her stomach to sink so dramatically.

“What will happen with us when the album is done?” She found herself asking, hating how vulnerable she sounded. The fact that the album was coming together filled her with fear, made the fact that Harry would eventually have to go back on the road all too real. Harry paused for a moment, sighing.

“I don’t know Lou.” He admitted, squeezing her again as if to console her. “I guess you could come on the road with us?” Lou swallowed.

“But what if I have clients and things I need to work with? I wouldn’t be able to just drop them.” 

“I don’t know Lou, ok? I hadn’t thought about the ins and outs of it really, could you not just work around what cities we’d be in?”

“I’d have to get other qualifications to work internationally.” She hated the defensive edge her voice had taken but she couldn’t seem to drop it. “You’re asking for a big commitment.”

“Do you not want a big commitment?” Harry's voice took the same edge hers had. It only made her angrier. 

“You can’t expect me to be able to answer that so soon.” She huffed, arms crossing over her chest as she shuffled away from his side. He scoffed.

“So why do you expect me to have all the answers so soon? The album isn’t even out yet, I don’t know the tour schedule. Can’t you just be happy? I wrote you a fucking song.”

“Gee, thanks, Harry.” She replied, tone dripping with sarcasm. “I guess that makes up for the way you’ve completely uprooted my life. I have a song written about me so of course, it’s reasonable to expect me to just give up everything that I’ve fought for.” Harry opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off, scrambling to her feet. 

“I want to go home.” 

\- - - - - - - - 

They were silent for the whole journey back to the house, neither of them trusting themselves to say the right thing. It was far from the comfortable silences they’d previously enjoyed and Lou ran from the car the second Harry pulled into the garage, desperate to escape. Desperate to put some distance between them so she didn’t have to deal with the guilt of ruining the moment Harry had tried to give her. The tears began to fall the second she reached the bathroom, locking the door behind her and sinking onto the floor, head in her hand as she sobbed as quietly as possible. Now that she’d spent a week with Harry, completely lost in his company, she couldn’t think of anything worse than being without him. The thought of having to give him up to a global tour was painful but then so was the idea of just giving up the life she’d established for herself to follow him. Of course, she was grateful for the opportunity that was being offered to her, for how supportive Harry had been over the past couple of weeks but there was something so scary about the thought of leaving everything behind. Unlike the boys, she’d pretty much lived her life within the confines of a singular county. Sure, the tour wouldn’t start immediately but, realistically wasn’t that far away. They were dating, yeah, but by the time the tour started, they surely wouldn’t have been together long enough for travelling the world together to be considered sensible? They may have caught up to each other but they’d still been out of each other's lives for a long time, she couldn’t possibly make such a serious decision in what could be considered their honeymoon stage. Not when there was so much potential for circumstances to change. Whichever way she looked at it the tour was a spanner in the works, a thorn in the side of their potential relationship and, although she’d managed to temporarily push it out of her mind now they were heading home it was a lot harder to stop thinking about. 

She’d been snapped out of her daydream and now her worries were unavoidable, impossible to ignore. 

They didn’t speak for the rest of the day, tiptoeing around each other and doing their best to keep out of each others way. Lou focused intently on packing and repacking her case, spending most of her time in the bedroom they’d previously shared. Harry seemed more focused on tidying up, wiping and re-wiping invisible marks off of the counters, checking and rechecking that his assistant would be picking them up so he didn’t have to leave his car at the airport. It was nothing short of awkward and, it took Lou a lot of energy to keep from crying the whole time, unable to shake her guilt and her worries. Thankfully Harry's assistant chatted away to him for the entire car journey to the airport, allowing them to avoid another awkward silence. Their plane seats not being next to each other was an even bigger stroke of luck. Lou did her best to focus on the movie playing on the inflight entertainment system, trying and failing to keep from glancing back at Harry. She blamed the too giggly air hostess, paying Harry significantly more attention than was necessary for her lack of self-control. Of course, Harry wasn’t flirting back but it still felt like a slap in the face, a reminder of how easy it would be for Harry to replace her. Eventually, she’d fallen into a sleep that was far from peaceful, tossing and turning as much as was possible in her seat as she dreamed fitfully. 

If she was disappointed that Harry hadn’t moved to her side when she woke up then that was her business. 

“Lou.” She’d been about to make a beeline for her room, too jet-lagged to face the other boys, too hurt to do anything other than attempt sleep. Of course, things couldn’t just be that simple. She frowned at Harry before glaring at the hand he had wrapped around her wrist, preventing her from retreating. It was a good job that looks couldn’t kill. 

“What?” She replied, surprising herself with how fragile she sounded. 

“Lou, I know it’s not fair to expect you to give everything up and I don’t want to put that sort of pressure on you but I want nothing more than for you to be with me, to come with me.” He pleaded. “But whatever happens I want to make this work, I wouldn’t give up on you if you chose to stay behind. I don’t want you to disappear from my life again, I won’t let a tour get in the way of us being…well, being together, properly together like in a relationship.” Lou had to fight from giggling as he started to ramble, clearly panicking slightly. She didn’t think that would be a very encouraging reaction and so she held a finger up, effectively cutting him off. 

“It’s just…” She began, pausing to find her words. “It’s just a lot. This is new and it seems like a lot of pressure to take on so early in a relationship. What if I end up just getting in the way?” Harry’s face softened. 

“Lou, you would never.” She shook her head, blinking back furious tears. 

“You can’t know that. There is a chance that I’m not worth it, that I’m not the right person for you.” Harry stepped closer, gripping her waist and pulling her into his chest. Realistically it hadn’t been long since she’d last been in his arms but she felt starved of his touch, something that only cemented her worries.

“Lou, babe, with all due respect don’t be so stupid. It’s always been you for me, always. I couldn’t think of anyone more worth it and I promise you now I’m going to do everything I can to prove to you that you are worth it.” Unable to find the words to reply, no longer confident enough in her doubts to argue back Lou stood up on her tiptoes, pressing a gentle kiss to Harry’s lips. 

“I just don’t want to lose you.” She whispered against his mouth, taken aback by the honesty in her voice. Harry just shook his head, looking her in the eye as though he was looking right into her soul. 

“I promise you now, I’m yours for as long as you want me.” 

Somehow, after another kiss they ended up on the sofa, coming almost scarily close to making love as if using their bodies to convey the feelings they had for one another.  Unfortunately, Niall walking in halfway through more than killed the mood. 


	12. Chapter 11

Niall left the room almost as quickly as he entered it, wolf-whistling and cackling loudly as he did so. They took a couple of seconds to snap out of their embarrassment, scrambling to grab the clothes they had hurriedly discarded before half running to the privacy of Harry’s bedroom. As soon as the bedroom door was closed they broke into uncontrollable giggles, still naked, still red in the face, adrenaline overriding their shame. After a while Harry stopped, expression shifting into something more serious. He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Lou’s waist and pulling her close to his chest gently as if she would break if he moved too quickly. 

“Lou?” He asked, voice barely a whisper, lips grazing her forehead as a result of their proximity. 

“Yeah?” She replied, a soft smile still on her face as she looked up into his eyes. 

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Despite the fact, Harry had effectively promised himself to her less than half an hour ago his words still caught her by surprise. The label, or rather, the prospect of it, made everything more real. Her breath caught in her throat and she found herself blinking a couple of times, subconsciously trying to encourage herself to wake from a daydream. 

“I-“ Lou began, her voice cracking and cutting her off. “I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never been a girlfriend before.” She eventually managed to choke out, eyes wide like a dear in the headlights. Harry just smiled, hands moving to cup her cheeks. 

“It would be an honour to be your first then,” He said gently, proudly, voice so filled with emotion it almost brought Lou to tears. He kissed her forehead, deliberately this time before he spoke again. “I meant what I said Lou, you’re it for me. I want this to work.” 

“Promise me that this isn’t a joke?” Harry kissed her again.

“I swear to you Lou, this is no joke. Please let me prove it, please let me show you how serious about this I am?” Lou paused before answering, struggling to find her words despite how gentle Harry was being. Eventually, after what felt like an age, she managed to break the silence.

“Well, in that case, I’d love to be your girlfriend.” She answered with a smile that only grew as Harry grabbed her by the waist again, hugging her so tightly that he lifted her feet off the floor. He span her around enthusiastically, laughing so loudly and passionately that Lou couldn’t help but join in, giggling along with him. Eventually, he stopped spinning, setting her back on the ground as carefully as he could before pressing yet another tender kiss to her forehead.

“I think that’s enough excitement for now, let’s get to bed. ” He said softly, stepping back and putting distance between them for the first time since they entered the room. As though Harry’s words had broken a spell her exhaustion caught up with her, the need to sleep hitting her like a tidal wave. Just managing to stifle a yawn she accepted one of Harry’s t-shirts and a pair of boxers, slipping into bed beside him and immediately curling up close. 

For some reason she was nervous. 

Their relationship had a label and, now they were in Harry’s current bed in his current home, not a bed he barely slept in a property that he merely owned. The intimacy and significance of sharing his bed, of sleeping next to him had increased tenfold as a result of these changes. Realistically it didn’t make sense as nothing had physically changed between them but the butterflies in her stomach didn’t seem prepared to accept that. Harry's arm looping around her waist, pulling her into her side snapped her out of her worrying, his touch immediately soothing her. She wasn’t sure if her panic had been noticeable but the tender kiss he pressed to her forehead had her forgetting all about it. 

“Goodnight Haz.” She found herself whispering, eyes growing heavy as Harry stroked her side through the t-shirt that she wore. 

“Goodnight my Lou.” Came his response, voice low and gentle, the repetitive circular motion of his fingertips lulling her into slumber almost too easily. Harry stayed awake a little longer, unbeknownst to Lou. Careful not to jostle her too much he reached for his phone, taking a photo as she snuggled into his chest and sharing it to his Instagram with a simple, one-word caption. 

‘Girlfriend.’ 

— — — — — 

“Niall I swear to God if you make one more comment about my tits I’m going to maim you.” Lou groaned, burying her face in her hands as Niall laughed raucously.

Although he had been relatively polite the previous evening, leaving without a single comment, he couldn’t resist taunting both Lou and Harry the previous morning. Thankfully, most of his teasing had been directed towards Harry, rather graphically mimicking the face he swore up and down that Harry had been making. But, the moment that Liam and Zayn seemed to bore of this discussion he’d shifted his attention to Lou, or more specifically her breasts. She’d allowed it for a few moments, not wanting Harry to feel like he was taking all of the ridicule but eventually she’d had enough, glaring at the blonde until he put his hands up in mock surrender. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, having the decency to look sheepish and Lou continued to glare. After a few moments, she was satisfied she’d scared him enough, shifting her focus back to the bowl of cereal on the breakfast bar in front of her.

“So why are we all up so early?” She said through a yawn. It was safe to say that jet lag had caught up with her and Harry’s blatant refusal to allow her to lie in suggested something was up. 

“Well, you’re open because our PR team want to talk to you.” Liam replied, casually “And we’re up because we have an album to start recording.” He continued, not noticing the panic that had spread across Lou’s face.

“Why do PR want to talk to me?” She squeaked, looking between Liam and Harry, alarm evident in both her voice and expression. Harry looked just as sheepish as Niall had previously, biting his lip. “Harry, what did you do?” Her eyes narrowed slightly. 

“Um, I guess you haven’t looked at Instagram then?” He laughed a little nervously, continuing to worry his lip between his teeth. “I might have posted a picture of you…and I might have called you my girlfriend?” His words were rushed and, once he’d finished speaking, he closed his eyes tightly, as if scared to see how she would react. 

“Why does that mean I need to talk to your PR team?” Lou still wasn’t getting it, frowning heavily. Harry’s eyes opened, sheepish look returning when he realised that his words didn’t exactly explain much. 

“Oh. Um, well, apparently a few LQBTQ+ charity groups have seen the post and a number of them actually got in contact with our team last night and this morning.” He elaborated. “A few of them want to talk to you about being an ambassador or just generally doing some work with you.” Lou blinked a couple of times, pausing to digest what Harry had just said. 

“Wait, seriously?” She squeaked. “Why would they want that?” Harry just chuckled, shaking his head.

“Obviously the news leaked that you’re a trans woman and I guess a lot of the charities think you could do a lot for them because you’re sort of a celebrity now.” He replied slowly, watching as her face twisted further, seeming even more confused than she had when she’d asked him to elaborate.

“How am I a celebrity?” Once again Harry chuckled.

“Because I called you my girlfriend and shared a photograph of you? And there was all that press around people finding out that you’re trans.” He replied, just as casual as Liam’s initial answer to her question as to why they were up so early. Lou hummed, nodding slowly as she once again paused to process. Her head was reeling. Sure, she was a trans woman and yeah, she may be in the limelight but did that really make her worthy of representing charities? Did fighting to have the body she wasn’t given at birth really make her qualified? Her story wasn’t that inspiring, she’d had help every step of the way. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the opportunity to voice her concerns as, before she’d even figured out what said concerns were her phone was ringing. 

“Right, we’ll get out of your hair.” Liam grinned, clapping his hands together and gesturing for the boys to follow him. Presumably, they were heading to the studio. Harry gave her a comforting look, running to her side and pressing a quick kiss to her nose before following the others out of the kitchen. Still somewhat shocked Lou took a deep breath before answering the phone. 

Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too hard to get the PR team to understand just how out of her depth she was. 

To her dismay, she was barely able to get a word in sideways. It was clear from the moment the team began to speak that this was more of a courtesy call than an opportunity for her to actually voice any of her opinions or worries. She was given a list of the charities that had contacted Harry’s team, instructions to research said charities and an appointment was set up for her to meet both the PR team and the charity representatives that afternoon. By the time the phone call was over, she was breathless as if she’d been punched in the stomach. She sat for a moment, taking in what had just happened before picking her phone back up, checking Harry’s Instagram and smiling widely as she clicked on his latest post. Despite the chaos, it had clearly caused she couldn’t deny the fact that it was a cute photograph and, having Harry refer to her as his girlfriend so openly and publicly gave her butterflies. She resisted the urge to check the comments, not wanting to ruin the post for herself by coming to associate it with the hate that was likely prevalent. 

“Ok Lou, you got this.” She mumbled to herself. She didn’t want to head to the studio and interrupt their recording session so she opted to text Harry the details of their meeting before heading up to her bedroom. After googling the charities, just as she had been told, she picked out an outfit and headed to the shower. It wouldn’t do to turn up to a meeting of this magnitude without washing away all traces of the night before and as much of her jet lag as was possible. 

“Lou?” Harry’s voice startled her out of her daydream, causing her to squeal, brandishing her bottle of shower gel defensively. She pouted as he laughed, stepping forward and opening the shower door ever so slightly. He reached a hand out and took the bottle away from her, grinning wide. “Can I join you?” And how could she say no to that? Lou nodded, almost a bit too eagerly and watched as he stripped off before going her, arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her close to his chest. 

“Hi.” She said softly, smiling as Harry kissed her forehead.

“Hi.” He replied, dipping his head under the water, shaking out his curls like a wet dog. “So, big meeting hm?” Of course, he didn’t directly say so but Lou knew he was asking how she felt about the matter. She shrugged slightly, resting her head against his chest. 

“I don’t get why any of the charities would want me.” The noise of the shower made her voice sound even smaller. Harry stepped back, gripping her shoulders and looking her straight in the eyes. 

“Who wouldn’t want you?” He said, tone as firm as the hold he had on her. “You have a story Lou, a story that could help people. I know you were forced into being open about your identity but the fact remains you’re one of the only young trans women in the public eye.” 

“Just because I’m open doesn’t mean I’m a role model.” She replied, biting her lip. “I’ve not struggled as much as other people have, all of my experiences are pretty straight forward.” 

“Lou, baby. You’ve told me about your struggles with dysphoria, you had to move out of your home because your flatmate was so transphobic, we had to go on holiday because the media was so disgusting to you. You might have had support from your family but you still do have a story that is worth telling.” Lou found herself nodding despite herself, looking him in the eyes and smiling widely. 

“You think so?” Harry grinned, hugging her close to his chest again. 

“I know so Lou.” 

— — — — — — —

Lou startled as the man at the head of the conference table clapped his hands together for the umpteenth time. Despite the fact she’d been sat in a meeting room with him for over two hours she was no closer to adjusting to his over-enthusiastic claps. In fact, after around half an hour she’d concluded that said claps followed no discernible pattern and thus she’d given up on trying to brace herself, accepting the fact she was fated to spend the remainder of the meeting periodically jumping out of her skin. Thankfully though this clap had an air of finality to it.

“Ok then, Miss Tomlinson.” The man said firmly, hands still clasped together. Lou couldn’t help but eye them suspiciously, still on the edge of her seat. “You’ll receive a copy of the contracts in the post tomorrow. There isn’t any rush to sign so please take your time to read through the terms and let us know if you have any questions. Thank you for meeting us on such short notice.” Lou struggled to hold back her sigh of relief as the meeting finally concluded, smiling as politely as she could manage and rising to shake the hands of the meeting attendees. Sure, the meeting had gone better than expected and sure, she might be quite excited about working with the three charities that had made her shortlist but there was no denying the fact the meeting had been exceptionally dry. She hadn’t contributed much. In fact, her only role had been shortlisting the charities she felt represented her interests, morals and priorities best but apparently, her attendance was still imperative. 

Something about contractual awareness and some other legal things that had gone straight over her head. 

Still smiling politely she finished saying her goodbyes, completing her final handshake before making a beeline for the door walking as quickly as she could without coming across as rude. Now the meeting was over she was desperate to get home, speed walking away from the meeting room and towards the buildings large lobby where she knew a member of the boy's security team was waiting to drive her home. It had taken a while to persuade Harry that he didn’t actually need to come with her, repeatedly reminding him that a rather expensive contract with a company that could probably sue him a couple of times over required him to release an album very soon. He’d begrudgingly conceded but had still forced her to bring a bodyguard with her, despite her half-hearted protests that she could look after herself thank you very much. As she followed the man whose name she had long since forgotten to the car, slipping into the back seat, she almost wished she hadn’t talked Harry down. Her job in real estate had often required her to participate in lengthy, boring meetings but that one had really taken the cake. She didn’t think she’d ever feel able to wrap her head around the fact that she now had an agent, a PR team and would soon be contracted to represent three incredibly LQBTQ+ charities. To say it had been a strange day was an understatement and all she wanted now was to curl up in Harry’s arms and catch up on sleep. 

“Miss Tomlinson? We’re back at the house.” She jolted awake as the guard spoke, squeaking in surprise and promptly blushing furiously. To her relief the guard said nothing, simply opening her door for her before getting back in the car, presumably heading back to wherever it was he was saying. After thanking him quietly Lou headed for the door, rolling her eyes when she found that the boys hadn’t even locked up.

“I’m home!” She called, not wanting any of them to mistake her for an intruder and making a mental note to give them a lecture on security later. Or rather to get their security to give them a lecture later. 

“Lou!” Niall was the first to respond, running out of the living room with a wide grin on his face and a PlayStation controller in his hand. “We rec-“ Harry’s hand slapped over Niall’s mouth, immediately cutting him off. 

“Shut it, Niall!” He groaned, giving the blonde a warning glare before releasing him, pulling Lou into a tight hug. “How did it go?” He whispered against her ear, kissing her forehead tenderly before pulling back with a wide smile on his face. Had she not been half asleep and still reeling from the meeting she probably would have questioned his abrupt silencing of Niall but in her current state, it barely registered. She smiled back at Harry, running a hand through her hair as Liam and Zayn trudged into the kitchen, each giving her a silent wave as they waited for her to tell them her news. 

“Um, well, your management is sort of my management too? I have an agent and stuff, they want me to do a few photoshoots and interviews first, just to get my story out. But the sort of end goal is for me to do some sort of campaign for the three charities I shortlisted.” She blurted, barely taking a breath between sentences. The boys looked a bit startled by her sudden onset word vomit but they seemed to follow along well enough. Or at least, Harry did judging by the huge grin that spread over his face.

“What charities?” Lou couldn’t help but giggle at his enthusiasm, running a hand through her hair.

“Mermaids which focuses on supporting trans children and Mind Out which is an LGBTQ+ mental health service, they’re both UK based. But GATE also want to work with me and they’re global in focus, they work with Trans and Intersex people.” She explained, remembering the little tag lines she’d been given to help make her choices easier. “They’ll only be smallish campaigns…” Harry shook his head, pulling her into another tight hug.

“It doesn’t matter how big or small they are, you’re still incredible.” He said firmly, the other boys mumbling in agreement and nodding their heads. 

“I think having a famous boyfriend and generally being friends with an internationally known boyband had a lot to do with it.” Harry stepped back again, holding her and arm's length and looking her straight in the eye.

“It doesn’t matter how they came to find out about you. They could have turned around after the meeting and said you weren’t right for them but they didn’t, because you’re fabulous.” He half yelled the last three words, lifting her up and throwing her over his shoulder. She groaned loudly, wondering at what point he’d grow tired of his ability to manoeuvre her so easily. The others stepped out of the way, giving Harry plenty of space as he marched out of the kitchen, making a beeline for the entrance to the basement. 

“Where are we going?” She knew from experience that struggling would do nothing and so she refrained from protesting too much.

“It’s a surprise!” Harry replied, whispering conspiratorially. 

“You know I sold you this house right? So I know where everything is? We’re either going to the gym or the studio.”

“Spoilsport.” He huffed. She didn’t need to see his face to know that he was pouting. 

“Did you finish something for the album?” 

“A surprise Lou, it’s a surprise!” Lou couldn’t help but giggle, patting his bum a couple of times as if to placate him. Before she could open her mouth to say anything else she found herself being dropped into a chair rather unceremoniously. Now it was her turn to pout.

“Careful!” Harry just stuck his tongue out handing her a set of headphones and fiddling around with some buttons on the studio's control panel. 

“We recorded our first single.” He eventually explained, putting a pair of headphones on himself and sitting down next to her. “I wanted you to be the first to hear it.” Lou just nodded, not wanting to make a sound in case it meant she missed something, closing her eyes as the music began to play. 

_I went to Amsterdam without you,_

_And all I could do was think about you,_

_And oh, I should've known_

_I went to Tokyo to let it go_

_Drink after drink, but I still felt alone_

_I should've known_

_I went to so many places_

_Looking for you in the faces_

_I can feel it, oh, I can feel it_

_I'm wastin' my time when it was always you, always you_

_Chasin' the high, but it was always you, always you_

_Should've never let you go_

_Should've never let you go, my baby_

_Go, oh-oh-oh_

_I went from LAX to Heathrow_

_Walked through my door, but it felt nothing like home_

_'Cause you're not home_

_Waiting to wrap your legs around me_

_And I know you hate to smoke without me_

_And, oh, now you know_

_I'm wastin' my time when it was always you, always you_

_Chasin' a high, but it was always you, always you_

_Should've never let you go_

_Should've never let you go, my baby_

_Go, oh-oh-oh_

_Should've never let you go_

_Should've never let you go, my baby_

_Go, oh-oh-oh_

_I went to so many places_

_Looking for you in the faces_

_I can feel it, oh, I can feel it_

_Wastin' my time when it was always you, always you_

_I was chasin' the high, but it was always you, always you_

_Should've never let you go_

_Should've never let you go, my baby_

_Go, oh-oh-oh_

_Should've never let you go_

_Should've never let you go, my baby_

_Go, oh-oh-oh_

_My baby_

_Oh, my baby_


	13. Chapter 12

As surreal as the fact she was now the muse of the boys next single was it was overshadowed by the fact that she suddenly had fans of her own.

Actual people that were actually interested in her independently of her relationship with Harry. Seemingly overnight several Instagram accounts had popped up, reposting the pictures she’d shared of herself with long captions about how much they admired her or how much they ‘shipped’ her with Harry. Her own Instagram following had close to quadrupled and, even more bizarrely she’d somehow trended on twitter for the best part of a day. She was the subject of increasing media attention as gossip columns tried their best to figure out who she was and provide information to their readers, most of which seemed hungry for more. She didn’t think she’d ever truly understand what the fuck was going on, even if she was given time to properly process and digest it, however, things didn’t show any sign of slowing down. Processing time was pretty much non-existent as, according to her new agent, they couldn’t afford to sit back and enjoy the limelight. If her pseudo-celebrity status was to be maintained she had to keep appearing in the public eye and, simply clinging to Harry’s arm in front of paparazzi wasn’t going to cut it with the media being as ravenous as they were. In other words, the ink of her signature had barely had time to dry before she was required to start meeting her contractual obligations. If they waited any longer then the charities wouldn’t get enough exposure from their use of her image and newly popularised name, thus their investment in her would be a waste of time. Lou wasn’t quite sure how accurate this take was, given how her follower count was still going up and each day a new news outlet seemed to publish a story on some trivial she’d done but she wasn’t in a position to argue.

And frankly, even if she had been, she wasn’t sure she had the energy.

Her first booking was, to her dismay, a big one. A magazine spread accompanied by an interview in which she would name drop and subtly promote the charities she’d chosen to work with and, undoubtedly, be forced to give up some of the personal information that hadn’t yet been exposed. Not only was she in the dark was to the finer details of this job she was far from comfortable with the idea of having to pose for some stranger with a camera. The fact she’d been able to blacklist certain questions wasn’t much of a comfort. Sure, certain questions wouldn’t be asked but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to be grilled. This was her first appearance without Harry by her side. The first opportunity anyone had been given to find out any information she hadn’t willingly shared on social media that could be considered reliable, unlike the very obvious cash in hand ‘expose’ her former boss had so kindly contributed to. To make matters worse the boys were busy, like super busy. The fact they had an album deadline approaching steadily seemed to have finally sunk in, much to her dismay. They spent most of their time locked away in the recording room, only coming up to eat and sleep and the last thing she wanted was to burden them further by explaining her own concerns. In fact, it took Harry until the very day of the interview to notice her nerves. The boys had made significant progress, placating their management and allowing them to take a rare day off. Liam, Niall and Zayn hadn’t left their beds, taking advantage of the opportunity to catch up on lost sleep but Harry had awoken early, sensing Lou getting out of bed and almost immediately picking up on her nervous state.

“Lou?” His slightly groggy voice startled her, causing to drop the shirt she’d been holding up to herself. “Baby, what’s up?” Of course, she knew she’d only end up changing but she still wanted to make a good impression. It wouldn’t do to turn up looking like a scruff. Especially as her agent had arranged for the paparazzi to show up outside the magazine headquarters, hoping new pictures would help keep her name in the limelight. She bent to pick the shirt up, brushing it off and pulling it on over her head before turning to Harry and smiling softly.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” She said apologetically, avoiding providing an answer as she moved to his side of the bed and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. For a moment Harry looked satisfied but, after a couple of seconds, he blinked and frowned, looking up at her in a slightly accusatory manner.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” He pouted, pulling at her heartstrings. She flushed, keeping her head down as she fiddled with one of her buttons.

“Um, I have my first interview and shoot today.” She said sheepishly as she moved from the side of Harry’s bed to grab her shoes and bag, basic makeup already applied and bag already packed. She didn’t need to turn to face Harry to know that his eyebrows had just shot up.

“What?” The man squeaked. The break of his voice would have been comical had Lou had a chance to acknowledge it. Any reaction she would have had was cut off by the way he jumped out of bed and wrapped his arms around her waist, stopping her from moving away. “Why didn’t you say?” He asked, pouting. Lou swallowed, hard, before turning in his arms to face him. Hoping to appease him she pressed a quick kiss to the top of his nose before speaking.

“You’ve been busy with the album and I didn’t want to distract you.” She explained with a shrug as if it was nothing. Harry was silent for a moment before releasing her from her grip.

“I’m coming with.” He said firmly, nodding his head before heading to his closet.

“What?” Now it was Lou’s turn to be confused, watching as the man pulled on a jumper and skinny jeans, forcing his feet into one of his many pairs of beaten up boots.

“The album can wait,” Harry replied, running a hand through his curls and trying to tame them. “Missing half a day won’t hurt. I want to be there for your first interview, I know how nerve-wracking it can all be and this is an important thing for you.” For a moment Lou felt like protesting, putting her foot down and explaining that she was, in fact, a big girl who could handle things herself but she quickly decided against taking that route. It didn’t seem like this was something she’d be able to talk Harry out of.

“I’m sorry.” She found herself whispering, slipping her shoes on as he sprayed some cologne.

“Hey.” He said gently, pulling her into another hug before she even realised that he’d crossed the room. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry you thought I’d be too busy for this, I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m not there for you. Now, let's go show them how beautiful you are.” Doing her best to ignore the butterflies in her stomach Lou nodded, clasping his hand tightly and following him out of the bedroom.

— — —

“Harry, Harry I can’t do this.” Lou whimpered, her resolve crumbling almost the second the man pulled her into her dressing room. It had been hard enough just getting into the building, given the fact, her agents seemed to have clued every news organisation in England into her location but this was something else entirely. The photographer wanted her naked or in her underwear but he’d made it quite clear that his preference was for the photographs to show her fully nude. He’d rambled on a bit about how they’d be ‘tasteful’ and how he would angle them cleverly so she didn’t give everything away but Lou hadn’t been listening. She’d almost immediately shut down, on the verge of panicking and it had been up to Harry to get her away from the very chatty photographer and into a safe, more private space.

“Why honey, help me understand why it’s so scary for you so I can try to do something about it?” Harry soothed, holding her close to his chest and pressing a couple of kisses to the top of her head. She exhaled, shakily before pulling back, just about managing to look him in the eye.

“I still have scars from my surgeries.” She began, not sounding very convincing. It took another deep breath on her behalf and another kiss from Harry for her to continue. “And I’ve only been naked like this in front of a handful of people, this could be seen by so many more and I guess I’m worried about the hate it’ll get. People are gonna find things to point out that make me not a real woman and, I don’t know if I like my body enough to show it to the world or face that much criticism.” Once she got started it was like she couldn’t stop, word vomit flowing out of her as she rambled through her list of concerns. “Also I’ve never done a photoshoot before, isn’t it a bit much to go from nothing to naked?” She sighed when she was done, looking up at Harry sheepishly to let him know that she had finished her rant.

“Lou, darling, you know I’ll never make you do anything you genuinely don’t want to do, right?” Harry began, tone cautious. He only continued when Louis nodded her agreement, lip between her teeth. “The scars are something you should be proud of, they show the journey you’ve been through and lots of people have them for many, many reasons. Anyone who comments on them negatively isn’t worth paying any attention to. As for the hate and the potential for people to doubt you, I know its hard for you but isn’t that the reason you want to do this? To help educate people, to show people that are hateful that trans lives do matter and are valid?”

“I guess.” Lou nodded, still chewing on her bottom lip.

“Plus, I know for a fact almost everyone who doesn’t already know who you are will look at you on the cover and think fuck, she’s hot. I know it feels like you’re exposing yourself massively but you have to remember not everyone in the world will read the article, you’re still gonna be able to be you.” Despite herself, Lou found herself humming her agreement, nodding along with what Harry was saying. She hadn’t really thought about it that way. Harry placed his fingers under her chin, tilting her head up so she was looking him right in the eye and smiled widely. “And, if I’m being honest, the idea of people seeing you on the cover and knowing that you’re my girlfriend and they don’t stand a chance is surprisingly empowering.” Lou giggled, the panicked butterflies in her stomach calming down once and for all.

“I’m so glad you came today.” She said after a moment, standing up on her tiptoes so she could place a gentle kiss to the tip of Harry’s nose. The man just grinned, grabbing her by her waist and spinning her in a circle.

“Now, do I need to go out there and tell them to go and fuck themselves or do you need some helping to get out of those clothes?”

“Hmmm, it’s a tough decision.” Lou mused playfully, pretending to be deep in thought. “But I think the latter.”

If they emerged from the dressing room 20 minutes later a bit more dishevelled than they had been when they entered it then the photographer would just have to keep his mouth shut. All he needed to know was that Lou had agreed to do the shoot, without her clothes on. A team of stylists half shoved her back into the dressing room, helping her strip down to nothing and then wrapping her up in a silk robe while they set about fussing over her hair and makeup. One of them rubbed shimmering body oil over her limbs whilst another styled her hair into the perfect mane of curls and someone else set about smudging black around her eyes and evening out her skin tone. It was strange, to say the least, to have people fuss so much over how she looked but Lou was just glad she didn’t have to do any of this herself. Once her face was finished with the questions began, the journalist taking advantage of the fact her hair still wasn’t perfect and using the time she was stuck in the salon chair to get the interview out of the way. Lou was definitely glad they chose to do so as it would have been significantly more difficult to answer the questions knowing that the person asking them had just watched her posing naked. Only when her hair and the questions were done, her answers recorded on a dictaphone, ready to be typed into an article was she called back onto the set, leaving the comfort of the dressing room for a second time. Part of her had been worried she’d end up panicking again, too intimated by the set lights and the sheer number of eyes on her but, by some miracle she didn’t. In fact, the moment she was on set her nerves seemed to disappear and, when she removed her robe she actually felt confident rather than overly exposed.

It definitely helped that, whenever she started to doubt herself or whenever she was scolded for not posing exactly right she could see Harry out the corner of her eye, winking and smiling like an idiot.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains a graphic sex scene with explicit references to spanking and themes relating to daddy kinks. If this isn't your thing you can skip it without missing any of the actual plot by stopping reading when Harry and Lou retreat to their bedroom. 
> 
> Your comments and kudos are always hugely appreciated!

Although Harry was a soothing presence, keeping her reasonably calm throughout the shoot and interview, Lou would be lying if she said she wasn’t relieved when it was over. The shimmery body oil previously applied to her skin had turned annoyingly greasy under the lighting the photographer had used. Being naked hadn’t stopped her getting sweaty, given the heat said lighting radiated. The second the photoshoot and the interview had concluded she’d run to her dressing room, showering quickly before pulling on her clothing. It felt strangely good to be clothed after spending the past hours stark naked in front of strangers. And Harry, of course. He’d waited, patiently, as she showered, dressed and applied basic makeup, knowing fine well they would likely be photographed as they left. 

“So, good day then?” Harry questioned when Lou deemed herself ready, smacking her lips together to spread her lip gloss evenly. She nodded, running a hand through her perfectly quaffed hair. Although she hadn’t cared for the body oil she couldn’t fault the work the hairdresser had done. If the way Harry’s hand tangled into it when he kissed her before they left the privacy of the dressing room was anything to go off of then he appreciated it too.

“Who would have known posing for photos could be so tiring?” She laughed slightly as they made their way out of the building. They were shepherd to the car by a couple of Harry’s many bodyguards, kept mostly out of the reach of the many fans and photographers who had been waiting around for a glimpse of Harry. “I’m guessing you need to get to recording when we get back?” She asked the moment the car doors closed behind them, sitting as close to Harry as the backseats of the Land Rover would allow. 

“Unfortunately, yeah,” Harry confirmed, wrapping his arm around her waist the moment he’d secured his seatbelt. “And I think Li mentioned something yesterday about having to contact our PR team to sort out the album launch party.” Lou quirked an eyebrow.

“Why do you sound so unenthused by the idea of a party?” She teased, noting the way Harry’s brow furrowed as he seemed to think about the implications. The man sighed heavily, pausing for a moment before speaking.

“I don’t want to sound ungrateful.” He began, tone cautious. “I just hate the whole kiss arse side of the industry, you know? The parties are fun, sure, but it's essentially just a huge networking event and a chance for the media to go wild over a bunch of celebrities being in the same room.” Lou found herself nodding along as he spoke, nose crinkling a little as she imagined how awkward an event like that would be. She shifted slightly to press what she hoped was a reassuring kiss on Harry’s cheek.

“That makes perfect sense.” She said with a nod of her head, noting the way he relaxed upon knowing that she wasn’t silently judging him. They fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments before Harry spoke up again, notably more cheery this time. 

“But, there is one perk this year.” Again Lou found herself quirking an eyebrow, eyes narrowing as she looked up at him slightly apprehensively. She knew that tone of voice. Knew it could only mean mischief. 

“Yeah?” Harry nodded excitedly.

“Yup.” He popped the P. “This year I get to see you dressed up all fancy, looking ravishing and when we get back to the house or whatever swanky hotel we’re booked into I get to absolutely ravish you myself.” Lou groaned loudly, making a show of rolling her eyes and putting her face in her hands. She didn’t need to look at him to know that he was smirking but she couldn’t protest too much. Admittedly, she found the idea of dressing up for a formal event knowing that the moment they were alone Harry intended to have his way with her quite appealing.

“So how far away is this party then?” She eventually responded, snapping herself out of her rather x-rated daydream. 

“We haven’t even finished the album yet.” Harry chuckled to himself and kissed Lou’s forehead as her face fell in disappointment, despite her efforts to appear indifferent. “But we can get dressed up and do some ravishing anytime you like.” This time Lou swatted his arm, narrowing her eyes in response to her teasing. He turned his attention to the window just as they pulled up to the house to feign innocence, knowing his act would fall if she managed to make eye contact. 

“You’re-“ Harry yelped suddenly, startling her just enough that she lost her train of thought. “Wha?” Again she was cut off, this time by Harry groaning loudly.

“Oh lord.” He muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair before turning to Lou with a slightly apologetic look. “Judging by the cars in the driveway our families have decided to pay us a rare, surprise visit.” Lou paled almost immediately, eyes widening. 

“You mean?” She began before trailing off, voice shaking a little more than she cared to admit. Harry just nodded solemnly, expression growing more apologetic. 

“Yup.” Lou bit her lip. Of course, she’d already met the boy's families, she’d known them quite well before her transition but that did little to placate her now rapidly growing anxiety. Communication had stopped when the boys left for the x-factor and she had changed a lot since then. “Lou, I can get the driver to drive us around for a bit if you need time to calm down,” Harry spoke after a few moments of silence, sounding almost as nervous as she felt. For a moment she seriously considered taking him up on his offer but she knew, as well as he did, that there was only so long they could delay the inevitable.

“It’s ok.” She eventually spoke up, nodding as if trying to convince herself. “I mean, they probably already know about us, right?” Harry’s expression turned sheepish as he shrugged a little.

“They might.” He offered. “They all tend to avoid news about us though, more often than not it makes them uncomfortable.” At that Lou sighed, because of course things couldn’t be easy but she tried her best not to let it get to her too much. When she’d known them none of the boy's parents had displayed any signs of being homophobic or transphobic and, she tried her best to keep that in mind as they got out of the car. However, considering she couldn’t remember a single time she’d spoken about such issues around the boy's families or overheard them discussing such issues, it wasn’t like she had many examples to draw upon. Hopefully, the boys would have got there accepting natures from somewhere. Harry held her hand tightly in his as they crossed the driveway, making their way to the front door, however, before they had even stepped across the threshold she was pulled away from him and into another's arms. She squeaked in surprise, going limp as her assailant wrapped her up in a bone-crushing hug, only releasing her when Harry cleared his throat. “Mum, she sort of needs to breathe.”

“Sorry dear,” Anne said gently as she released her grip, not sounding even slightly apologetic as she openly looked Lou up and down. “Gosh, you’re beautiful.” Lou found herself blushing furiously, moving a bit closer to Harry’s side.

“Thank you, Mrs Styles.” She replied as politely as she could manage, still unsure as to whether Anne knew who she was. 

“How many times do I have to tell you kids that it’s Anne?” The woman teased, eyes twinkling playfully. “Now, the papers tell me you go by Lou. Is that short for Louise or is it just Lou now?” 

“Just Lou.” Lou found herself answering almost too quickly, blushing even darker and looking down at her feet when she realised how snappy she’d sounded. She hated when people tried to refer to her as Louise, given how close it was to her dead name. “So-“

“Don’t be sorry, I should have realised.” Anne cut her off with a hug, hushing her slightly. “Just Lou suits you more anyway, it’s lovely to meet you properly.” She added before pulling away, grinning widely. Despite the slight awkwardness of the interaction, Lou found herself soothed by their brief interaction. It was clear that Anne knew who she was, or rather, who she had been and it was also clear that she didn’t care one bit. Although it would be nice to get the approval of all the boy's families, given how close they had all once been, she couldn’t deny that Anne was the person she’d wanted acceptance from the most. She knew how close Harry was to his mum and, should Anne have taken against her for whatever reason, it would have limited her relationship with Harry significantly. He’d struggle to commit entirely to someone his mum didn’t approve of. No longer on edge, Lou relaxed into Harry’s side, walking with him to the living room as he and his mum played a game of rapid-fire questions.

“Who else is here?” Harry had begun with, seeming rather relieved when Anne said it was only the mums who’d made the journey. Lou couldn’t help but share his relief, the boy's families weren’t small and it would have been a lot to handle if she had to go through the process of reintroducing herself to everyone at once. The four mums could still pose a challenge, three if Anne wasn’t included, they were a lot more manageable than four entire families. 

“How long have you and Lou been dating?” Anne had responded, grinning to herself in a strangely secretive manner as Harry explained their first meeting and the detailed the following key moments that had led to them dating. Despite his usual word vomit when it came to describing events that were important to him he did a surprisingly good job of keeping things PG.

“How long are you staying?” Harry asked, just as they reached the living room but, to his slight shock, it wasn’t Anne who answered.

“Only the weekend lovely.” Niall’s mum piped in cheerily, wrapping him a tight hug. “Just thought we’d pop by since you lot weren’t showing any signs of hosting a house warming or anything.” Harry had the decency to flush as she playfully scolded him, ruffling his hair (much to his annoyance) before turning her attention to Lou. “It’s lovely to meet you, darling, I hope the boys are treating you well. I can’t imagine living with these animals.”

“Oi!” Niall shouted from the couch, slightly muffled as his mouth was stuffed full with Doritos. His mum simply raised her eyebrow, giving him a mildly disgusted look before turning back to Lou.

“Feel free to whack him with a wooden spoon if he doesn’t clean up those crumbs.” She murmured darkly, before returning to the seat she’d popped up from. Her interactions with Liam and Zayn’s mums were similarly brief but encouraging, completely erasing her concerns about not being accepted by the boy's families. The women were nothing but welcoming and, as Niall’s mum had quite frankly put it, couldn’t give one hoot about what she had between her legs. If their sons approved of her then they would too. It was refreshing, to say the least, and, by the time the boys decided they should all go out for dinner, she’d completely forgotten that she’d ever been scared of how they would react to her. 

— — — — —

Dinner was a rather eventful affair.

For one, although the boys had called the restaurant in advance, explaining their situation and asking to be given a more private table with a discrete server their waitress could only be described as a fangirl. She’d begged them for photographs and autographs before even taking their drinks orders, only remembering that she was there to serve them when her supervisor reminded her as such. When they all finally ordered their appetisers she found reason after reason to keep popping up near their table, frequently interrupting their conversation. She’d been so immersed in telling them her whole life story that it had taken her 20 minutes to realise that, although she’d taken their orders for their main courses she hadn’t given them to the kitchen. And, worst of all, she openly admitted that Harry was her favourite and, despite Lou’s presence, flirted furiously with him. Or rather, at him. He did his best to shut her down at every opportunity, even going so far as to kiss Lou right in front of her but that didn’t make much of a difference. The girl wasn’t even deterred by the occasional glares the mothers would openly send her way. As the meal progressed, she only seemed to get more and more daring. By the desert, Lou had more than had enough, something she felt her increasingly frosty demeanour made quite obvious. However, the girl didn’t seem to take the hint and only pushed further, flirting harder. The final straw for Lou came when she “accidentally” spilt the glass of water Anne had asked for into Harry’s lap, immediately grabbing her napkin and attempting to dab Harry’s crotch dry, despite him saying he could manage. Lou had snapped, grabbing the girls wrist and stopping her in her tracks.

“He said he can manage.” She all but spat out, eyes flashing with rage, grip not faltering as the girl tried to pull away from it.

“I’m just trying to help.” She squeaked, clearly startled by Lou’s reaction and the strength of her grip.

“Can’t you see that your behaviour is making him uncomfortable? I want your manager, now.” To her great relief, said manager was already making a beeline to their table, having picked up on the fact one his staff members was effectively being restrained by a guest.

“Is there a problem here?” He said as he reached the table, raising an eyebrow as he looked between the waitress and Lou. It was clear that he thought Lou was the problem. Lou smiled, sickeningly sweet but still refused to release her grip. The girl hadn’t thought twice about touching Harry when he had made it explicitly obvious he didn’t consent to such touching, Lou saw no reason to cease making her uncomfortable.

“Yes, actually, there is. Your employee here has spent the whole night harassing my boyfriend and, just attempted to touch him inappropriately despite his protests.” She said firmly, watching as the girls face blanched. “My boyfriend, Mr Styles here, has been incredibly polite to her this whole evening, despite her blatant disrespect for his request for discretion, her disrespect of his right to privacy and her disrespect of his relationship. I’m sure you can understand that he spends a lot of his time being harassed in such a manner and when he is promised discretion and privacy he expects that promise to be honoured. Further, despite his fame, I’m sure everyone dining her would agree he has the right to eat without being sexually assaulted.” At that she let go of the girl's wrist, giving her the best glare that she could manage before taking a napkin off of the table and placing it over the wet spot in Harry’s lap carefully.

“O-Of course.” The manager stuttered, doing his best to remain poised despite the fact he was terrified. “Please accept my sincerest apologies, I will deal with the employee in question and ensure she is suitably disciplined. Do you wish to press charges?” 

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Lou replied, maintaining her icy tone, giving the man another overly polite smile. “I think your employee owes my boyfriend an apology too?” The man nodded a little over-enthusiastically, looking at the girl who seemed to be on the verge of tears expectantly.

“I-I’m sorry Ha-Mr S-Styles.” She stuttered out, face a furious shade of red. No sooner had the words left her lips she turned on her heel and ran in the direction of what Lou could only assume was the toilet. After apologising several more times and offering to waive their bill, something the boys declined as they could more than afford to pay for the meal, the manager retreated after her. The moment he had vacated Niall reached across the table and gave Lou a high five, whistling lowly.

“Lou that was fuckin’ golden.” He laughed, smiling proudly even when his mum whacked him upside the head and scolded him for swearing. Anne gave her a wide smile before nodding knowingly at Harry.

“You scored a keeper here, son.” She said with an approving chuckle, the sincerity of her tone causing Lou to flush furiously. Her blush only grew wider when she faced Harry, immediately noticing the thinly veiled lust in his expression.

“I really fucking have.” Harry nodded, tactfully dodging his mum's attempt to swat him for swearing before speaking again.“Shall we get out of here? This whole thing has kind of ruined my appetite.” 

To Lou’s great relief, the others agreed without any complaint, clearly not thinking anything of his sudden desire to leave. She could tell instantly his reasons for wanting to go home were far from innocent, fighting the urge to smirk to herself as she pressed close to him in the backseat of one of the cars. Judging by the dilation of his pupils, the slight gravelly edge of his voice and the way his hand travelled the length of her thigh as they journeyed home, Harry had quite enjoyed her little outburst. Her suspicions as to his true motive were confirmed the moment they reached the house as Harry quickly separated himself from her side to show the four mothers to their rooms, quite eagerly at that. He practically gave them a real estate pitch as he showed them to the guest rooms at the far end of the house, ensuring they were as far away from his room as the house would physically allow. They didn’t notice their effective banishment, buying his excuse about these rooms being the nicest to wake up in due to facing the sun as it rose and accepting them without objection. As soon as they were settled in he returned to the living room, feeding the boys some excuse about wanting to retire early. They bought it just like they’d brought his other excuses, not batting an eyelid as Harry all but dragged Lou to the bedroom they now shared.

The second the bedroom door was closed Harry pushed Lou up against it, holding her hips firmly.

“You had no idea how fucking hot you are.” He whispered, his larger body covering hers entirely and his lips grazing the sensitive skin of her ear. “You did such a good job defending daddy, are you going to let me fuck you now?” His words, combined with the feeling of his hot breath on her skin had her shivering. She was convinced that if he hadn’t been holding her up her knees would have been at serious risk of giving in.

“Please, daddy.” She nodded, maybe a little too eagerly, whining as she felt Harry smirking against her neck. He kept his hands firmly attached to her hips but moved his right knee in-between her thighs, forcing her to spread them ever so slightly. 

“Please daddy, what?” He practically purred, nibbling the shell of her ear as he pressed his knee up towards her core. 

“Please daddy, fuck me.” She replied immediately, gasping high in her throat as Harry pulled her roughly away from the door and pushed her onto the bed. He smirked as he towered over her, pausing for a moment as if trying to commit the sight to memory before stepping forward. Without saying anything he undressed her, starting with her shoes and her skirt, then her top and her bra and then finally her knickers until she was completely naked. Once she was bare he kicked his shoes off before getting on the bed beside her, not making any effort to undress. He patted his lap, silently demanding that she sit on it, something she did quite happily, more than happy to oblige. She mewled a little at the feeling of his denim jeans against her most sensitive part but didn’t complain, waiting eagerly for Harry to move or order her to do something. Harry didn’t seem to be in any sort of rush, eyes raking over her bare body.

“Such a dirty little princess.” He eventually broke the silence, reaching forward and tweaking one of her nipples. “I want you to ride me for a bit first, show me how you would have let that bitch know I’m yours if had been just us three in that shitty restaurant.” His words were surprisingly erotic and she found herself whimpering a little as she thought over the fantasy he’d just conjured up. She couldn’t lie, the idea of staking her claim by stripping bare and riding him in such a public location was more than a little bit hot. Another tweak to her nipple pulled her out of her daydream and, without a second thought, she reached forward, pushing Harry's jeans down just enough to free his length. Making direct eye contact with the man she spat on her hand, using a mix of her spit and his pre-cum as lube.

“Daddy, can you sit up like we’re at a table please?” She asked politely as she jerked him slowly, grinning wide when Harry did as he was asked. The second he was upright she shifted so he back was to him, sitting more on his stomach as she made sure he was as adequately lubed up as spit and pre-cum would allow. Once satisfied she lifted her hips, pressing his tip to her core. She made a show of rubbing his tip against her entrance a few times, teasing him until he was practically growling at her before sinking down slowly. 

“Fuck.” Harry groaned out as her hands moved to grip his denim-clad legs. He fought the urge to close his eyes, wanting to commit the way her naked body looked against his clothed form to memory. “Come on baby, show everyone whose pussy daddy belongs too.” Lou didn’t need telling twice, immediately lifting her hips before sinking down again, riding him hard and fast. Of course, she knew there wasn’t actually an audience but she did her best to put on a show, rocking her hips rhythmically and removing one of his hands from her hip, placing it around her throat instead.

“Daddy, daddy, daddy.” She chanted to herself, leaning back against his chest as she continued to bounce herself on him, movements becoming irregular as her thighs began to burn. “Daddy fuck me properly please, want you so bad, need you.” And who was Harry to deny her what she wanted? With surprising ease he pushed her forward so she was on her hands and knees, moving his legs out from under her before lining himself up. Before pushing in he tangled his hand into her hair, using his grip to push her face into the mattress, forcing her arse further into the air. 

“Such a good girl.” He muttered to himself, leaning forward to press a kiss to the centre of her back before slamming himself into her. He fucked her properly, just as she had begged for, revelling in the stream of mewls and whimpers and curse that left her lips as he did so. “Can I spank you, baby? Can I smack that pretty little ass as I fuck you?” 

“Yes, yes daddy.” Lou practically cried her consent, hands gripping the duvet beneath them so tight her knuckles turned white as he kept up his brutal pace.

“You’ve got me so close already baby.” He muttered as he brought his palm down on her, marvelling in the way her pale skin immediately blossomed into a perfect red handprint. Almost immediately he spanked her again. And again. And again.“Only you get daddy’s cock and daddy’s cum baby. It all belongs to you.” Lou pushed her hips back to meet Harry’s thrusts, panting in a way that let Harry know she was close as well.

“D-Daddy.” She keened, high in the back of her throat as he sped up his thrusts. “I-I’m coming.” He released his vice grip on her hips, moving a hand between her legs and rubbing her clit as in sync with his movements as he could manage. Her reaction was almost instant. She all but screamed his name, body trembling violently as she clenched around him and came so hard she seemed to go boneless, completely pliant as he chased his own orgasm. It didn’t take him much longer to reach the same euphoric peak, coming with a shout of her name and all but collapsing on top of her. Not wanting to cause her discomfort he shifted them so that he was spooning her, cores still joined and both of them panting for breath.

“Remind me to get jealous more often,” Lou mumbled before yawning and almost immediately giving in to exhaustion. Harry followed suit, groggily pulling the duvet around them as he held her close to his chest.


	15. Authors Note

Hi,

I'm sorry i'm so damn slow! I've just started my masters and it's hard (surprise, surprise) but I am getting into a routine and I do hope to be able to upload soon. Thank you for your continued patience.

Regards


	16. Authors Note

Hi all,

First and foremost I'd like to thank you all for your positive feedback and enthusiasm. Unfortunately, I've hit a bit of a wall with this fic and so it will be on hiatus until late January 2021 at the earliest while I figure out where I want it to go and continue my exams. 


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